Garage Jokes

A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his zipper was down, and his fly wide open. His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss this morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his Office looking a bit puzzled. When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed that his zipper was not zipped up.
He zipped it up and remembering what his secretary had told him, finally understood. He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his secretary. When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw the garage door open did you see my jaguar parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, No, Boss I didn't. All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tires."
she got fired!

A penguin was driving through the desert when his car broke down. He waddled to the nearest phone to call AAA. His car was quickly towed to the nearest garage where the mechanic told him he would need a couple of hours to check out the car.
The penguin, being a good natured bird, didn't complain but wandered off to find the closest supermarket. He proceeded to the frozen foods section and hung out near the fish sticks.
After an hour he got in the freezer next to the vanilla ice cream and ate several gallons. Then he saw the time and went back to the garage covered in ice cream.
The mechanic walked over to him wiping his hands and shaking his head saying, "It looks like you blew a seal."
Blushing, the penguin said, "Oh no! It's just ice cream."

One day a kid asks his mom if he can take a shower with her. She says, "Sure son, but don't look up and don't look down."
So they're taking a shower and the kid reaches up for the soap and he says, "Woo mama! What are those?"
She says, "Those are my headlights." The kid says "Ahh."
Then he drops the soap and bends down to get it and he says, "Woo mama! What is that?" and she replies back with, "That is my garage." The kid says "Ahh."
The next day he asks his dad if he can take a shower with him. The kid does. As he's scrubbing himself with the soap, he drops it. When he picks it up he says, "Woo daddy! What is that?" The father replies back, "That's my limousine."
That night he asks his parents if he could sleep with them and they say, "Sure, just don't look under the covers."
Then in the middle of the night he decides to take a peek. And he says "Wooo mama! more...

Edna hears the car drive up, then a loud clatter as it hits the garbage cans. Car door slams, some cussing, then the garage door opens, slams. Suddenly more crashing and clattering and cussing, then Pete enters the house with his golf clubs, cussing and scowling.
"What's wrong, dear? Did you have a bad day on the golf course?" Edna asked.
"Yeah, what a rotten day! What a lousy round of golf! Pete groaned. "I only hit two good balls all day, and I wouldn't have hit them if I hadn't stepped on the rake in the garage!"

A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note with the bottle back over to the man.

The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1M in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

WELL, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know -- I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have over $2M in the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches! Send the bottle back."