Block Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: What do you call a person who gives head to the whole block
A: A Blockhead
How To Play "Office BINGO":
(AKA ~ BULLCRAP BINGO!)
Do you keep falling asleep in meetings and training sessions at your office? What about those long and boring conference calls? Here's a way to change all of that:
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, seminar, or conference call, prepare your "Bullcrap Bingo" card by drawing a square -- 5" x 5" is a good size -- and dividing it into columns --five across and five down. That will give you 25 1-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following words/phrases in each block:
synergy, strategic fit, core competencies, best practices, bottom line, revisit, paradigm, 24/7, out-of-the-loop, benchmark, value-added, proactive, win-win, think outside the box, fast-track, result-driven, empower, knowledge-base, at the end of the day, touch base, active listening, mindset, client-focused, ballpark, game-plan, leverage, technology.
3. Check off the appropriate block more...
A New York City man attempted to commit suicide yesterday by blowing up his townhouse, sending debris everywhere.
How selfish do you have to be to try and kill yourself and take the whole block with you? What a bad neighbor. You couldn't just jump off the building? Or better yet, stay inside and pop a few pills?
"Nah. If I go, I'm taking Starbucks, Taco Bell and the Gormans from next door with me."
To make it worse, the guy LIVED.
So, he's inconsiderate AND a failure. Oh, will there be dirty looks at the next block party.
One day after school Jonathan went to the pet shop and told the owner he wanted to buy a watchdog for his mother's birthday.
"How about this one?" said the salesman, pointing to a cage with a scrawny little poodle in it.
"Are you kidding?" said Jonathan. "That dog looks harmless."
"Yes, but he knows karate," said the salesman. "Watch." The salesman pointed to a huge cinder block and shouted "karate the block!"
Immediately, the poodle struck out its paw and with one blow smashed the block into two pieces.
Next, the salesman pointed to a metal chair, then commanded, "Karate the chair!"
Once again, the little poodle crushed the chair with a single blow.
That night Jonathan brought home the poodle and showed it to his father.
"What kind of watchdog is that to give your mother?" said Jonathan's father. "What good is more...
A driver tucked this note under the windshield wiper of his automobile. “I’ve circled the block for 20 minutes. I’m late for an appointment, and if I don’t park here I’ll lose my job. Forgive us our trespasses. ”
When he came back he found a parking ticket and this note: “I’ve circled the block for 20 years, and if I don’t give you a ticket, I’ll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation. ”
It was Rocky's first night in the penitentiary. All of the inmates were in their cells and he was trying to become a bit more comfortable with his meager surroundings. As he leaned against the bars at the front of his cell, Rocky heard a voice call out "44" and the whole cell block erupted into laughter! Another voice called "16" and again there was laughter. A third voice called "62" which was followed by laughter throughout the block. Rocky didn't know what was going on so he rapped on his cell wall. "Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from next door. "What's going on, here?" asked Rocky. "Well," said the other inmate, "down in the prison library there's only one joke book. We've all read the book so many times that we don't waste time telling the joke, we just call out it's number." So the next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found r the yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from more...