Board Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yahoo has reached an agreement with the investor Carl Icahn that will stop him from trying to replace its board. Mr. Icahn will withdraw his attempt to take over Yahoo's Board of Directors, and in return Yahoo promised to link to his blog from their website.

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again.`Whats the matter? asked the director.`I cant jump from that board! said the actor. `Do you know theres only one foot of water in that pool? Yes, said the director. `We dont want you to drown, you know.

A bunch of Polish scientists decided to flee their repressive government by hijacking an airliner and forcing the pilot to fly them to a western country. They drove to the airport, forced their way on board a large passenger jet, and found there was no pilot on board. Terrified, they listened as the sirens got louder. Finally, one of the scientists suggested that since he was an experimentalist, he would try to fly the aircraft.

He sat down at the controls and tried to figure them out. The sirens got louder and louder. Armed men surrounded the jet. The would be pilot's friends cried out, "Please, please take off now!!! Hurry!!!"

The experimentalist calmly replied, "Have patience. I'm just a simple pole in a complex plane."

A psychotherapist was enjoying a growing practice since he graduated college. So much so that he could now afford to have a proper sign advertising his services. So he told a kid to paint a sign board for him & put it above his clinic entrance.
Instead of his business building up, it declined steeply. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his clinic after reading the sign. So he decided to check it out for himself.
One look and he understood why. The boy only found a small wooden board to paint the sign on and he had split the word psychotherapist into the 3 words. His new sign read
Psycho-
the-
rapist.

On preparing to return home from an out of town trip, a man got a small puppy as a present for his son. Not having time to get the paperwork to take the puppy on board, the man just hid the pup down the front of his pants and snuck him on board the airplane.

About 30 minutes into the trip, a stewardess noticed the man shaking and quivering. "Are you okay, sir?" asked the stewardess

"Yes, I'm fine," said the man.

Later, the stewardess noticed the man moaning and shaking again. "Are you sure you're alright sir?"

"Yes," said the man, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to get the paperwork to bring a puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants."

"What's wrong?" asked the stewardess. "Is he not housebroken?"

"No, that's not the problem. The problem is he's not weaned yet!"

My friend and his wife stayed in a hotel and got a bill for ninety bucks. He screamed, "Ninety dollars?, for what?"
The desk clerk said, "For room and board sir."
My friend said, "Room and board? We didn't eat here."
The clerk said, "It was here for you. If you didn't get it, it's your fault."
My friend said, "You take forty dollars. I'm charging you fifty dollars for fooling around with my wife."
The clerk said, "I never touched your wife!"
My friend said, "It was there for you."

Three accountants and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three engineers each buy tickets and watch as the three accountants buy only a single ticket

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an engineer.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an accountant.

They all board the train. The engineers take their respective seats but all three accountants cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The engineers saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the engineers decide to copy the accountants on the return trip and save some money (knowing that more...