Board Jokes / Recent Jokes
LIFE UNDER THE SEAWhat is life like under the sea? Is it a dogfish eat dogfish world? Is everyone united for a common porpoise? Or do they all split off in their own special groupers? Well, one tragic story indicates it's not so perfect down there. There was once a brilliant sturgeon on the staff of the community health fishility. He was in fact one of it's flounders. Wiser than salmon, a fin fellow who would never shrimp from his responsibilities, he was successful and happy and always whistled a happy tuna. One day one of his patients, a mere whipper snapper, started trouting around telling everyone the sturgeon's treatments had made him more eel than he had been and the conked him with a malpractice suit. Well, the sturgeon was in a real pickeral. The board chased him off the staff and demanded his oyster. But fortunately the case smelt to high heaven so the judge denied the plaintiff's clam. The board tried to hire the sturgeon back but by then he had hit the bottlenose pretty more...
[1] You can become an engineer if you go to an Engineering college, but don't expect to be a President going to the Presidency College!
[2] Expect a BUS at a BUS Stop, but Don't expect a FOOL at FULLSTOP(.)
[3] A Mechanical engineer becomes a mechanic then why not a software engineer become a software?
[4] Find keys in a Key board but do not expect a mother in mother board.
[5] Study anything you want and get a certificate in subject of your studies but don't expect a death certificate studying "Dying and Death."
Q. What do you say to a woman with no arms and no legs?
A. Nice tits!
Q. Why do they call it PMS?
A. Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
Q. What's the difference between a muff-dive and a speed-trap?
A. With a muff-dive you always have a clear view of the cunt!!
Q. How do you know when you are getting old?
A. When you start having dry dreams and wet farts.
Q. Why would a bloke give his wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for her birthday?
A. Because if she doesn't like the slippers she can go and get fucked.
Q. What's the difference between a police car and a pair of knickers
A. You can only fit one cunt in a pair of knickers.
Q. What did Yul Brynner say to Freddy Mercury in heaven?
A. So the fags got you too! !
Q: When is a pixie not a pixie?
A: When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin'.
Q. What's the definition of a more...
-your so dumb you put a key on the board and call it a key board
-your so dumb you put a paper on the tv and call it paper view
Santa and Banta got jobs in Dubai. They also found accommodation in a high-rise building: Santa on the ground floor, Banta on the 25th. One day when the lift was not working, Banta invited Santa for dinner in his 25th floor flat. Poor Santa trudged up the 25 floors only to find Banta's flat locked and a big board on the door which read:' How did you enjoy your dinner?'
Not to be outdone, Santa wrote under the board,' Sorry, I could not make it.'
A Jewish congregation in New York honors its Rabbi for 25 years of serviceby sending him to Hawaii for a week, all expenses paid.When he walks into his hotel room, there's a beautiful girl, nude, lying onthe bed. She says, "Hi, Rabbi, I'm a little something extra that thepresident of the board arranged for you."The Rabbi is incensed. He picks up the phone, calls the President of theTemple Board and says, "Greenberg, what were you thinking? Where's yourrespect? I am the moral leader of our community! I am very angry with youand you have not heard the end of this."The girl gets up and starts to get dressed. The Rabbi turns to her andsays, "Where are you going? I'm not angry with you."
Santa & banta used to live in the same building. One day they had a fight. santa wanted to tease banta. He called santa for dinner the next day. When morron went to his house, there was no one in the house. There was a board on the door, reading "i made you a fool". Banta went mad and turned the board & wrote: "i never came here".