Board Jokes / Recent Jokes

After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board after the service. The first man to arrive was a stranger.
"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister.
"I know," said the man. "If there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him."

Effective immediately, the following economizing measures are being implemented in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

1) The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree, which never produced the cash crop forecasted, will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance
2) Two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are, therefore, eliminated
3) The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French
4) The four calling birds will be replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.
5) The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications more...

Three accountants and three engineers are travelling by train to a convention. At the station, the three accountants each buy a ticket and watch as the three engineers buy only one ticket. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" one of the accountants asks. "Watch and you'll see," an engineer says.
They all board the train. The three accountants take their respective seats, but the three engineers cram into a bathroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets.
He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The accountants watched this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So, after the convention, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money.
They all arrive at the station and the three more...

Season's Greetings,
The recent announcement that Donner and Blitzen have elected to take the early reindeer retirement package has triggered a good deal of concern about whether they will be replaced, and about other restructuring decisions at the North Pole.
Streamlining was appropriate in view of the reality that the North Pole no longer dominates the season's gift distribution business. Home shopping channels and mail order catalogues have diminished Santa's market share and he could not sit idly by and permit further erosion of the profit picture.
The reindeer downsizing was made possible through the purchase of a late model Japanese sled for the CEO's annual trip. Improved productivity from Dasher and Dancer, who summered at the Harvard Business School, is anticipated and should take up the slack with no discernible loss of service. Reduction in reindeer will also lessen airborne environmental emissions for which the North Pole has been cited and received more...

Two Sardarjis lived in a multistoreyed building, one on the first floor and the second on the eighth floor. But there was great enmity between the two. Once the Sardarji on the eighth floor tried to fool the Sardarji living on the first floor by calling him for dinner. When the Sardarji reached the eighth floor for dinner he saw that the house of his neighbour was locked and a board was hanging on the door, on which was written: "Kaisa ulloo banaya" (How have I fooled you!) The Sardarji felt embarrassed and turning the board to the other side, wrote: "Main to yahan aayaa -hee nahin tha" (I had never come here)."

Air Force One, the jet that carries the President, was on it's way to a summit meeting in Washington, DC on the status of the Internet.

On board were Bill Clinton, Al Gore and Bill Gates. Halfway to DC, the plane suddenly crashed and all on board died instantly. Up in Heaven, God sat upon a large throne and looked down to pass judgement on the three men.

'Bill Clinton', God said,' What do you believe in?'

Clinton replied,' I believe in freedom of speech, in music and in serving the public.'

'Very well,' God said,' You may enter Heaven, Mr. Clinton.'

Al Gore stepped up.' Mr. Gore, what do you believe in?', God asked.

'I believe in saving the environment, I believe in fresh air and trees and I did everything I could to ensure that our children would inherit a clean environment.' Al said.

'Very well,' God said,' You may enter Heaven, Mr. Gore.'

Bill Gates stepped up.' Mr. Gates,' God said,' What do more...

The man was in a hurry to board the airplane and didn't have time to do the paperwork to get his little doggie on board. So the man stashed the puppy down the front of his pants and sneaked him on the plane.
About 30 minutes into the flight, a stewardess noticed that the man was squirming in his seat. "Are you OK, mister?" the stewardess asked.
"Yes, I'm fine," said the man. Time went by and again the stewardess noticed strange movements. "Are you sure you're all right, sir?"
"Yes," the man insisted, "but I have a confession to make. I didn't have time to do the paperwork to bring my puppy on board, so I hid him down the front of my pants."
"I see," the stewardess said. "Well, as long as he's housebroken, I guess it will be OK."
"Oh, he's housebroken," the man replied. "The problem is, he's not weaned yet!"