Board Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a redneck if...
You take a bath in a water trough.
Your mama keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
Yer richest kin folk buys a new house and you gotta help take the wheels off of it.
If your flyswatter gets more use than your toothbrush.
You have more appliances in your front yard than you do in your house.
If you use your front porch as a stand for deer hunting.
If you have two refigerators - one outside for the food and one inside for the beer.
You pull out the generator when the power goes out to watch a NASCAR race!
You remember phone numbers by writing them in the dust on your dash board.

The head psyciatrist at a mental institution is preparing to give three patients an exam. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. Should they fail, they will remain institutionaized for an additional five years.
The doctor leads the three patients to a diving board overlooking a pool that doesn't contain any water and asks the first patient to jump.
The first patient jumps off the board into the pool and breaks both arms.
The second patient jumps and ends up breaking both legs.
The third patient looks over the side of the board and flatly refuses to jump.
"Congratulations!" You are now a free man," says the doctor. "Just tell me why you wouldn't jump."
"I can't swim, doc," replies the third patient.

A bit-part actor finally got his first leading role in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off a high diving board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of the board, looked down and promptly climbed down again. `What's the matter?' asked the director. `I can't jump from that board!' said the actor. `Do you know there's only one foot of water in that pool?'' Yes,' said the director. `We don't want you to drown, you know.'

A physics professor was very strict about attendance, and despised tardiness. Every student caught arriving to class late (especially those interrupting his lecture) was quickly reprimanded in front of the whole class. Students were quick to comment on the professor's genetics.
Well, one day a student entered through the front doors of the lecture hall, while the professor was writing notes on the chalkboard. The professor caught the student out of the corner of his eye (this acute sense of peripheral vision, further supported the rumors of his evolution), and turned to face the student. He demanded, "What do you think you're doing?"
Being a science student, one naturally thinks quickly, so the student snapped up and replied, "I came down from the back to get a better look at the board."
The professor smiled.

A pregnant lady was travelling on a bus. The man opposite her stared and laughed at her.
The embarassed lady moved herself to the next seat. Then the man burst with laughter.
She went to Court and sued him for damages.
In his defense, the man told the Judge, "My Lord! If you were in my place, you would have done the same thing."
The judge, for the sake of the case, got on the bus, at the same stop, and the scene was reinacted.
The Judge could not control his laughter and dismissed the case.
The advertisement display board above the first seat for a shaving stick soap Company read, "Williams stick did the trick."
The advertisement display board above the second seat for Dunlop Tyre Company read, "Rubber Goods would have saved the trouble."

GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language.The historic vote on Geekonics - a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" - came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language."This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics."No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with all more...

There once was a boy named doda .he had no arms no legs .his friends where scared of doda's mother, so they had to see who picked the smallest straw to ask doda's mother if he can go fishing. so when the one boy went to ask, the mother said ok. when they got there doda fell over board so they went home . then they saw the mother and she asked where is doda, they said doda fell over borad doda doda, doda fell over board doda doda day.