Bob Jokes / Recent Jokes

Steve, Bob and Jeff are all working on some very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls off and is killed instantly. After the ambulance leaves with Steve's body, Bob and Jeff realise they'll have to inform his wife. Bob says he's good with this sort of sensitive stuff, so he volunteers to do it. After two hours, he returns carrying a six-pack of beer. "So, did you tell her?" Asks Jeff. "Yep." Replies Bob. "Hey, where did you get the six-pack?" "She gave it to me." "What?!" Exclaims Jeff. "You just told her that her husband died, and she gave you a six-pack?!" "Sure. When she answered the door, I asked her whether she was Steve's widow.' Widow?' She said.' No, no..I'm not a widow. You must be mistaken.' So I said,' I'll bet you a six-pack you are!'"

Bob is sitting on the ice all day fishing with no luck, not even a nibble. Cold and tired he is about to leave, when a guy walks up cuts a hole in the ice beside him, and starts pulling out fish as fast a he can drop his hook in the water. Bob cant believe it, he yells over " whats your secret?" "woogatkakeptewrwm" he answers back. "what did you say?" replies Bob. The man spits a large ball of worms on the ice and says to Bob, " you have to keep your worms warm".

There are two nice bachelor brothers who live with their mother, Jim and Bob. A business trip took Bob out of town for a few days but he promised to call home on a regular basis to find out how things are going. As good as his word, Bob called home the next day and Jim answered the phone. Bob asked, "So how's everything going?" Jim replied, "The cat's dead. He fell out the window." Bob was furious at the way his brother responded to his question and told him the bad news in such a callous manner. He told Jim his feelings in no uncertain terms. Jim asked, "So how would you have liked me to respond?" Bob went on, "First you could have told me that you accidentally left the window open. Then the cat jumped out of the window and landed on the small roof below. We called the emergency response team, who tried for nearly and hour to coax the cat back into the house all the while trying to reach him by ladder from the outside. In spite of everyone's more...

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Wednesday.

Billy Bob and Cletis save their money working on the ranch in Texas and fly to New York city. When they get off the plane and hail a cab, the cabdriver immediately sees them for a couple of hicks and takes them to their hotel via New Jersey. The cab bill is $250. They are surprised at how expensive New York is, but they pay the cab bill.
The bellhop in the hotel similarly sees an easy score. When he carries their bags to the room, he tells them the fee is $50 each.
Soon Billy Bob and Cletis are running low on funds. They pool resources and them have $2. 50. How are they going to afford to do anything in New YorK? Billy Bob says "give me the money. I'm going into that drug store." When he returns Cltis asks him what he has purchased. Billy Bob proudly shows Cletis a box of Tampex.
Cletis is amazed. "Billy Bob have you gone crazy. We have no money We can't do anything. Now you take our last $2. 50 and buy Tampex!!!"
Billy Bob replies "Crazy, more...

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3`4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7` tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair, and flies circled her.
The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked more...

Bob is throwing a party. He decides that, to break the ice at his party, he`ll ask his guests what their I. Q. is--hopefully this will strike up an appropriate conversation from there.
The day of Bob`s party rolls around, and when the first guest knocks on the door, Bob asks the person what her I. Q. is.
"200, 000" replies the first guest.
"Well, that`s great," says Bob, let`s talk about ethereal astro physics.
Bob and this first guest talk about the aforementioned subject for a while.
Later in the party, someone else is at the door. "Hi my name is Bob; welcome to my party, what`s your I. Q.?"
The new guest responds with "250".
"Great," says Bob. "Lets talk about advanced math. Bob and his new guest talk about calculus and statistics for awhile.
Much later in the party, after many more guests had arrived and been spoken to by Bob, yet another guest arrives at the door. "Hi, my name`s more...