Bodies Jokes / Recent Jokes

An Old Italian man lived alone in the country. He
wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was a lot of
work as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent,
who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote
a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I
won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm
just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I
know if you were here my troubles would be over. I
know you would be happy to dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a. m. the next morning, FBI agents and local
police arrived and dug up the entire area without
finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and
left.
That same day the old man received another letter more...

There was an old country sheriff who always said, "It could have been worse." No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: "It could have been worse."

One day, two deputies in the sheriff's office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side.

"No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself."

"You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say "it could have been worse."

"No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the more...

The following is a list of the Cartoon Laws Of Physics:
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation.
Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly.
Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter.
Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure more...

There was an old country sheriff who always said, "It could have been worse." No matter what happened, the old sheriff always had the same answer: "It could have been worse." One day, two deputies in the sheriff's office answered an emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found the body of a man with a gun at his side. "No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other.
"This was a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot himself." "You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going to say "it could have been worse." "No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the house, and all of them have been shot to more...

25- Boldly going nowhere.
24- Heart Attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends.
23- How many roads must a man travel down before he admits he is lost?
22- CATS -- The other white meat.
21- Don't be sexist -- broads hate that.
20- I'm an imbecile and I vote.
19- Money Isn't Everything... But it sure keeps the kids in touch.
18- WARNING! Driver only carries $20 in ammunition.
17- You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me, not you!
16- Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
15- Save Your Breath... you'll need it to blow up your date!
14- Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
13- Grow your own dope, plant a man.
12- All men are animals, some just make better pets.
11- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
10- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
9- I need someone really bad... are you really bad?
8- Beauty is in the eye of the more...