Books Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lieutenant was brilliant in military matters, but lacked a few social graces. One day he called a soldier in to the office and said “Kramer, your grandmother died. ”
The soldier fell apart. After he left, the colonel told the lieutenant, “You could have been a little more tactful. I have some books at home that could help you. ”
The lieutenant read the half-dozen books lent him by the colonel and was ready for the next crisis. Private Taylor’s grandfather had passsed away.
The next morning, at reveille, the lieutenant said, “Men, how many of you have a grandfather still living? Not so fast, Private Taylor! ”

One time, my teacher said to dump our Math books. Then she said to get your Social Studies book. Then that became history.

One day the zoo-keeper noticed that "Cheech" the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?" Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother'skeeper or my keeper's brother."

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, `Buk Buk BUK.` The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them... and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.

Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say,` Buk Buk BuKKOOK!` The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.

The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, `Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!` The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.

She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit Rrredit more...

Top 26 Children's Books Not recommended by the National Library Assoc.
26. Bob the Germ's Wonderous Journey Into and Back Out of Your
Digestive System.
25. The Little Engine that Could Becomes intoxicated and Kills Civillians.
24. Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer's Games of Revenge.
23. Peter Rabbit's Frisky Adventures.
22. Dick, Jane, and Spot Wander into The 'Hood'.
21. Clifford the Big Red Dog Accidently Eats his Masters and is Put to Sleep.
20. Valuable Protein and Other Nutritional Benefits of Things from your Nose.
19. The Hardy Boys, the Barbie Twins, and the Vice Squad.
18. The Tickling Babysitter
17. A Pictoral History of Circus Geek Suicides.
16. Charles Manson Bedtime Stories.
15. Daddy Loses His Job and Finds the Bottle.
14. Babar Meets the Taxedermist and Becomes a Piano.
13. Controlling the playground: Respect through Fear.
12. David Duke's World of Imagination.
11. Curious George and the High-Voltage more...

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented." Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?" "Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39. 95. Do you know which one it is?" "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha... what a bone head!"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?" I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of more...

A pair of chickens walk up to the circulation desk at a public library and say, "Buk Buk BUK." The librarian decides that the chickens desire three books, and gives it to them...and the chickens leave shortly thereafter.
Around midday, the two chickens return to the circulation desk quite vexed and say, "Buk Buk BuKKOOK!" The librarian decides that the chickens desire another three books and gives it to them. The chickens leave as before.
The two chickens return to the library in the early afternoon, approach the librarian, looking very annoyed and say, "Buk Buk Buk Buk Bukkooook!" The librarian is now a little suspicious of these chickens. She gives them what they request, and decides to follow them.
She followed them out of the library, out of the town, and to a park. At this point, she hid behind a tree, not wanting to be seen. She saw the two chickens throwing the books at a frog in a pond, to which the frog was saying, "Rrredit more...