Books Jokes / Recent Jokes
Little Johnny was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything, tutors, flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything that they could think of. Finally in a last ditch effort, they took Johnny down & enrolled him in the local Catholic School. After the first day, little Johnny comes home with a very serious look on his face. He doesn't kiss his mother hello. Instead, he goes straight to his room & starts studying. Books and paper are spread out all over the room & Little Johnny is hard at work. His mother is amazed. She calls him down to dinner & to her shock, the minute he is done he marches back to his room without a word and in no time he is back hitting the books as hard as before. This goes on for some time, day after day while the Mother tries to understand what made all the difference. Finally, Little Johnny brings home his report card. He quietly lays it on the table & goes up to his room and hits the books. With great trepidation, his mom looks at more...
Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.Avoid parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turned to fast wipe whenever you leave your car parked illegally.No time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.Apply red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).If a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and more...
Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press:
Children Books You Won't Eever See...
1...You Are Different and That's Bad
2...The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3...Dad's New Wife Robert
4...Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share
5...Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6...The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7...Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her
8...Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9...All Cats Go to Hell!
10...The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11...Some Kittens Can Fly.
12...That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13...Grandpa Gets a Casket
14...The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15...Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia
16...The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17...Strangers Have the Best Candy
18...Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19...You Were an Accident
20...Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21...Pop! Goes The more...
Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press:Children Books You Won't Eever See...1...You Are Different and That's Bad2...The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables3...Dad's New Wife Robert4...Fun four-letter Words to Know and Share5...Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book6...The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking7...Kathy Was So Bad Her Mum Stopped Loving Her8...Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence9...All Cats Go to Hell! 10...The Little Sissy Who Snitched11...Some Kittens Can Fly.12...That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption13...Grandpa Gets a Casket14...The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator15...Garfield Gets Feline Leukaemia16...The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy17...Strangers Have the Best Candy18...Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way19...You Were an Accident20...Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will21...Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games22...The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan23...Your Nightmares Are more...
American University Grading Procedures Here is a list of the ways professors here at the AmericanUniversity grade their final exams: DEPT OF STATISTICS: - All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve. DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: - Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, closethem and turn them in. The professor opens the books andassigns the first grade that comes to mind. DEPT OF HISTORY: - All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF RELEGION: - Grade is determined by God. DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: - What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: - Students are asked to defend their position of why theyshould receive an A. DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: - Grades are variable. DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: - If and only if the student is present for the final andthe student has accumulated a passing grade then the studentwill receive an A else the student will not receive an A. MUSIC DEPARTMENT: - Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ more...
One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"? "Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
Dept of Statistics:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
Dept of Psychology:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
Dept of History:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
Dept of Religion:
Grade is determined by God.
Dept of Philosophy:
What is a grade?
Law School:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
Dept of Logic:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
Dept of Computer Science:
Random number generator determines grade.
Music Department:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat more...