Books Jokes / Recent Jokes
According to USA Today, Stpehanie Meyer authored the top four best selling books of 2009. The Bible, of course, is the best-selling book of all time. But think how many more copies could have been sold if Jesus was a vampire.
I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in... she said "check books".
When Suzy decided to improve her computer skills, she threw herself into it with enthusiasm. Every week she'd check out two or three instructional books from the library.After about a month, the librarian commented, "Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable at this stuff.""Thanks," Suzy said. "What makes you say that?"The librarian answered, "Only one of the books you're checking out this week has' For Dummies' in the title."
How does a Gulti commute office 40 miles away?
He walks all the way because he wants to get a good resale value for his car.
Why does a Gulti wish for rain?
Because he gets a free car wash.
How does a Gulti wash clean his cloth and carpet?
He stuffs both together into washing machine to save few pennies.
Why does computer books in book stores get a Gulti smell?
Because those books were returned by a gulti after 30 days free trial.
A new list of the "World's Shortest Books":
STAYING HAPPILY MARRIED
-by Elizabeth Taylor
BEAUTY SECRETS
-by Janet Reno
HOME BUILT AIRPLANES
-by John Denver
DOWN HILL SKIING
-by Sonny Bono
HOW TO GET TO THE SUPER BOWL
-by Dan Marino
FLYING AT NIGHT
-by JFK, Jr.
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
-by Hillary Clinton
MY LIFE'S MEMORIES
-by Ronald Reagan
THINGS I CAN'T AFFORD-
by Bill Gates
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
-by O. J. Simpson
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
-by Dennis Rodman
THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
-by the Ramseys
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN
AMERICA'S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS
DETROIT - A TRAVEL GUIDE
DR. KEVORKIAN'S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
THE AMISH PHONE more...
A Scholar rented a room from a monastery to use for study. In fact, he played all around instead of studying. One afternoon, he suddenly came back and called the page boy to fetch him a book. At first, the page boy fetched the Liang Dynasty Wenxuan. He looked at the book and said," Too low." Then, he brought the scholar the classic History of the Han Dynasty, but the answer was still "Too low." Finally, he brought a third famous classic, the Records of the Historian, but the answer was still "Too low." A monk, very astonished by this, confronted the scholar," Generally, if a person masters one of these great books in a lifetime he is considered well-learned. Why do you say these classics are low books?" "I'm trying to find a book that's just the right height to use as a pillow," the scholar replied," these are all too low."
Here is a list of the ways professors grade their final exams:
DEPT OF STATISTICS:
All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.
DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY:
Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.
DEPT OF HISTORY:
All students get the same grade they got last year.
DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY:
What is a grade?
LAW SCHOOL:
Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.
DEPT OF MATHEMATICS:
Grades are variable.
DEPT OF LOGIC:
If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.
DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE:
Random number generator determines grade.
MUSIC DEPARTMENT:
Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ more...