Booth Jokes / Recent Jokes
A group of Asian women were visiting a village located in South Africa. They came across a booth selling human breast. One of the Asian lady asked the butcher, "Why are you selling women's breast?" The butcher replied, "In Ouagadougou, we have found that consuming women's breast can increase men's sex drive, and enlarge the size of their penis." Hearing about the "enlarging the penis" the Asian woman was determined to buy some for her husband. She quickly asks the butcher for the price of the breast. "Well," says the butcher, "It depends on what kind of breast you want. We have black breast, white breast, and Asian breast." "Give me the price of each!", said the Asian lady impatiently. "The black breasts are $200 a pound," the butcher says. "White breasts are $300 a pound, and the Asian breasts are $400 a pound." The Asian women were glad to hear that Asian breasts were the most expensive in the breast more...
A sardar had arrived early at the stadium for the first cricket game of the series between local rival teams only to realize that he had left his ticket at home. Not wanting to miss any of the first inning, he went to the ticket booth and got in a long line for another seat. After an hour`s wait he was just a few feet from the booth when a voice called out, "Hey, Balbir!" He looked up, stepped out of line and tried to find the owner of the voice-with no success. Then he realised he had lost his place in the line, and had to go back to the end of the line and wait all over again. After he had purchased his ticket, he was thirsty, so he went to buy a coke. The line at the concession stand was also very long. But since the game hadn`t started he decided to wait. Just as he got to the window, a voice called out "Hey, Balbir!" Again He tried to find the voice and got out of line as he wandered looking for the owner of the voice. But no luck. He was very upset as he got more...
This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and more...
Car Parking
The smallest kerbside space successfully reversed into by a woman was one of 19. 36m (63ft 2ins), equivalent to three standard parking spaces, by Mrs. Elizabeth Simpkins, driving an unmodified Vauxhall Nova' Swing' on 12th October 1993. She started the manoeuvre at 11. 15am in Ropergate, Pontefract, and successfully parked within three feet of the pavement 8 hours 14 minutes later. There was slight damage to the bumpers and wings of her own and two adjoining cars, as well as a shop frontage and two lampposts.
Incorrect Driving
The longest journey completed with the handbrake on was one of 504 km (313 miles) from Stranraer to Holyhead by Dr. Julie Thorn (GB) at the wheel of a Saab 900 on the 2nd April 1987. Dr. Thorn smelled burning two miles into her journey at Aird but pressed on to Holyhead with smoke billowing from the rear wheels. This journey also holds the records for the longest completed journey with the choke fully out and the right indicator more...
1. Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
2. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
3. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.
4. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
5. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.
6. Both were assassinated by Southerners.
7. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
8. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
9. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in more...
A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money. The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public. But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after tying to focus, pulled the trigger three times. The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes. The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn't aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a small, live turtle. The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another turtle. Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted more...
How do you get 50 Mexicans is a phone booth? Throw food stamps in it.