Born Jokes / Recent Jokes
John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent.
On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.
The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first more...
When Ole quit farming, he discovered that he was the only Lutheran in his new little town of Catholics. That was okay, but the neighbors had a problem with his barbequing beef every Friday. Since they couldn't eat meat on Friday, the tempting aroma was getting the best of them. Hoping they could do something to stop this, the neighbors got together and went over to talk to Ole. "Ole," they said, "since you are the only Lutheran in this whole town and there's not a Lutheran church for many miles, we think you should join our church and become a Catholic." Ole thought about it for a minute and decided they were probably right. Ole talked to the priest, and they arranged it.The big day came and the priest had Ole kneel. He put his hand on Ole's head and said, "Ole, you were born a Lutheran, you were raised a Lutheran, and now," he said as he sprinkled some incense over Ole's head, "now you are a Catholic!"Ole was happy and the neighbors were happy. more...
In a happy little farm out in the countryside, a cow and her daughters were gathered.
"Mommy, why am I called Daisy?" the oldest daughter asked.
"Because a daisy fell on your head when you were born," the mother replied.
"Mommy, why am I called Rose?" the second-oldest daughter asked.
"Because a rose fell on your head when you were born." the mother answered.
"Wagfuryhlff!" the youngest daughter exclaimed.
"Quiet, Cinderblock!"
4 Nuns at a church wanted to watch TV. The first one said she wanted towatch the INDY 500. The second one wanted to watch the sexy Shawn Michelson WWF. The third nun said she wanted to watch the knitting channel so shecan knit some mittens for the kitchen. The fourth nun said she wanted towatch the discovery channel on how a baby is born. After some dicussion, they all decided to flip channels every 2 seconds so they can watch thesame things.This is what is sounded like:And they're off! They're on top of each other! In...Out...In...Out...andyes, the baby is born!
Some soul-searching showbiz questions
By Timothy M. Gray
HOLLYWOOD (Variety) - There are eternal questions that may never be answered: What is reality? What is the meaning of life? Why was I born? When was the last time Lauren Bacall went to a supermarket? What kind of people would allow their marriage ceremony to be performed on Live With Regis & Kathie Lee? We'll wait a moment while you ponder those questions.
I know, the fifth one was the hardest. Then are you ready for some more? OK, get out a clean sheet of paper and a No. 2 pencil, and answer the following.
Since A Streetcar Named Desire, The Moon Is Blue, Lady in a Cage and Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? were once considered shocking and scandalous, does that mean American Movie Classics may one day be airing Showgirls and Natural Born Killers?
If the writers and director of the Oscarcast can win an Emmy for their work, what can the writers and director of the Emmys win?
Sometimes, when you're really more...
A mother was sitting on the couch reading a book when one of her children walked up to her and said, ''Mummy, why is my name Petal?'' the mother replied ''Because when you were born, a petal fell on your head."
The next baby walked up and asked, ''Mummy why is my name Rose?'' She replied, ''Because when you were born, a rose fell on your head.'' The last baby walked up to her and said ''BLAS CLAFLAS YIFRASSAM TASSM POONNFFFIINRTY." The mother replied, ''Shut up Fridge.''