Boss Jokes / Recent Jokes

A swedish road-worker was hired to paint the line that goes down the center of the road. The first day he managed to paint 2 kilometers, and his boss was very pleased. The next day he only painted 200 meters, but his boss thought that he`d probably started off too hard on the first day. But on the third day he was only able to paint 20 meters. The boss called him into the office and demanded an explanation. "Well, you see it`s getting so darn far to walk all the way to the paint bucket," the swede explained.

1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you. 3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha." 4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom." 5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much since you did this. 6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid. Call everyone Madge. 7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way. 8) Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people more...

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.""We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off.""Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

Job placement: Telling your boss what he can do with your job.

Soon after the Texas Aggie clocked in for work, the foreman called him over and told him that he had a phone call in the front office. When the Aggie returned, he had a mournful expression on his face and his head hung low. His foreman noticed and asked if he had received bad news." Shure was, Boss" he replied, "I just found out that my mother died earlier this morning." Gosh, that's awful," replied the foreman "Do you want the rest of the day off?" "No," replied the Aggie. "I'll finish the day out." About an hour later, the foreman returned to inform him that there was another phone call for him up front. This time when the Aggie returned he looked twice as glum and the foreman asked if everything was alright." Jezz, Boss this has to be the worst day of my life," Moaned the Aggie." That was my brother, and his mother died today too!"

A construction site boss was interviewing men for a job, when along came Boudreaux. The boss thought to himself, "I'm not hiring that ole lazy cajun..."

He decided to set a test for Boudreaux, hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the questions, and he'd be able to refuse him the job without any problems.

The first question the boss asked was, "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy," and draws three oak trees. The boss says, "What the hell's that?" Boudreaux says, "Tree' n' tree' n' tree makes nine."

The boss says, "Fair enough." "Second question, same rules, but this time represent 99."

Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree. "Dere ya go, sir," he says. The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" Boudreaux says, "Each tree is dirty more...

Boss To His Secretary: “I Thought That You Wanted Yesterday Afternoon Off Because You Had To See Your Dentist? ”
Secretary: “That’s Right, Sir”
Boss: “So How Come I Saw You Coming Out Of The Movie Theatre With A Young Man? ”
Secretary: “That Was My Dentist”