Bowl Jokes / Recent Jokes
General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win AirbagsDetroit - With third-quarter sales sluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11% since 1997, General Motors unveiled a new instant-win airbag contest Monday. The new airbags, which award fabulous prizes upon violent, high-speed impact with another car or stationary object, will come standard in all of the company's 2004 cars. "Auto accidents have never been so exciting," said GM vice-president of marketing Roger Jenkins, who expects the contest to boost 2004 sales significantly. "When you play the new GM Instant Win Airbag Game, your next fatal collision could mean a trip for two to Super Bowl XXXI in New Orleans. Or a year's worth of free Mobil gasoline."Though it does not officially begin until Jan. 1, 2004, the airbag promotion is already being tested in select cities, with feedback overwhelmingly positive. "As soon as my car started to skid out of control, I thought to myself, 'Oh, boy, this could more...
Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time.
Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer; what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup more...
What does a cat call a bowl of mice? A purrfect meal!
An 80 year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctors, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down and make notes to help them remember things. The couple thanked the doctor and left. Later that night while watching TV, the man got up from his chair and his wife asked, “Where are you going? ” He replied, “To the kitchen. ” She asked, “Will you get me a bowl of ice cream? ” He replied, “Sure. ” She then asked him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you can remember it? ” He said, “No, I can remember that. ” She then said, “Well I would also like some strawberries on top. You had better write that down because I know you’ll forget that. ” He more...
You'll need the following: a cup of water, a cup of sugar, four large eggs, two cups of dried fruit, a teaspoon of baking soda, a teaspoon of salt, a cup of brown sugar, lemon juice, nuts, and a bottle of whisky.
Sample the whisky to check for quality.
Take a large bowl. Check the whisky again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whisky is still okay. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Break two leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whisky to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who cares? Check the whisky. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever you more...
Once there was an old grandmother who believed in taboo. On New Year's Year's Day and other festival days, she would try only to say nice things, and never let the word "no" rashly fall from her mouth. One lunar New Year's Day, as soon as the granddaughter passed her a bowl of sweet rice porridge. She drank it up joyfully. "Grandma, will you take another bowl of rice porridge?", asked the granddaughter. "All right," replied the grandmother. The little girl passed her the second bowl of rice porridge and quickly she drank it. "Some more rice porridge?", asked the granddaughter. The grandmother thought that during New Year's Day she couldn't say "no", and so she replied promptly, "O. K., I'll drink a third bowl." In this way the grandmother drank six bowls, and her stomach was like a big drum. The little girl who wasn't very sensible still asked persistently. "Grandma, would you like to drink some more sweet rice more...
A preacher visits an elderly woman from his congregation. As he sits on the couch he notices a large bowl of peanuts on the coffee table. "Mind if I have a few" he asks. "No, not at all", the woman replied.
They chat for an hour and as the preacher stands to leave, he realizes that instead of eating just a few peanuts, he emptied most of the bowl.
"I'm terribly sorry for eating all your peanuts, I really just meant to eat a few".
"Oh that's all right", the woman says, "Ever since i lost my teeth all i can do is suck the chocolate off them".