Boyfriend Jokes / Recent Jokes

What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? Close the door.

Having a boyfriend is cool, but not having a boyfriend is just Hot and every girl wants to be hot. You won’t have to ‘waste’ your money on him. You can flirt with other guys. You won’t fail in your studies. You can spend money on your family instead of on one person. You will have happier friendship life. You won’t have to waste your time watching Wrestling with him instead of your favorite show. You won’t have to lie to your parents about going to see your friends. No nightmares about him. No waiting for his stupid phone calls. When you’ve no boyfriend, he can’t dump you! No boyfriend, no Tears. You will have more family outing and gatherings to attend then to see his face everyday. If you don’t have a boyfriend your free to do what you wish to do. Guys can be bossy at times so no boyfriend means no1 can boss you around. You won’t have to hear his nonstop talks that you don’t even care about. Having no boyfriend is a Stress Free life. All decision and choices more...

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old pen buggy one cold, blustery January day. The daughter said to the mother, "My hands are freezing cold." The mother replied, "Put your hands between your legs. The body heat will warm them up." So the daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day, the daughter was riding in the buggy with her boyfriend. The boyfriend said, "My hands are freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put them between my legs, they'll warm up." The next day, the boyfriend was again driving in the buggy with the daughter. He said, "My nose is freezing cold." The daughter replied, "Put it between my legs. It will warm up." He did, and his nose warmed up. The next day, the boyfriend was once again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid." The next day, the daughter is driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of more...

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school were both virgins; they enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast. They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home, and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when he emailed her, she took days to return his messages.
Finally, she confessed to him she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back.
So, what she did is this: she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's cock and sent it to her old more...

A very British one:
0. Stone cold sober. Brain as sharp as an army bayonet.
1. Still sober. Pleasure senses activated. Feeling of well being.
2. Beer warming up head. Chips are ordered. Barmaid complimented on choice of blouse.
3. Crossword in newspaper is filled in. After a while the blanks are filled with random letters and numbers.
4. Barmaid complimented on choice of bra. Partially visible when bending to get packets of crisps. Try to instigate conversation about bra. Order half a dozen packets of crisps one by one.
5. Have brilliant discussion with a guy at the bar. Devise a foolproof scheme for winning the lottery. Sort out cricket/tennis/football problems. Agree people are same the world over - except for the bloody French.
6. Feel like a demi-god. Map out rest of life on beer mat. Realize that everybody loves you. Ring up parents and tell them you love them. Ring girlfriend to tell her you love her and she still has an amazing arse.
7. Send more...

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me, I have a jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished? ”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger. ” Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, “First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger. ”
He takes her hand and says, “Second, I want you to relax. Let’s have a nice cup of tea, and then….. ” he sighed, …let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box. ”

Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5. 0 to Husband 1. 0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5. 0 system. In addition, Husband 1. 0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9. 9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7. 4, NBA 3. 2 and NHL 4. 1. Conversation 8. 0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5. 3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate