Bread Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a very hard to frustrate young man walked into a fast food restraunt feeling slightly hungry....
Restraunt: Hello can I help you?
Man: Yes all I need is some toast.
Restraunt: Im sorry were all out of toast
Man: Well do you have bread?
R: Yes.
M: do you have as toaster?
R yes
M: then put the bread in the toaster
R that would be toast were out of toast
M (sigh) then Ill have pancakes
R We only have waffle mix...
to be continued...
E.E.C. 10yrs
A Duck walks into a bar. Duck: You got any bread? Barman: No, sorry, we don't have any bread[After a few minutes]Duck: You got any bread? Barman: Look, we don't have any bread[In a little while]Duck: You got any bread? Barman: We don't have any F*****g bread![Some time later]Duck: Got any bread? Barman: If you ask me if I've got any F*****g bread once more I'm gonna nail your F*****g bill to this bar.................. Duck: You got any nails? Barman: NO! Duck: You got any bread? Sent by Duncan
A general store owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short skirts and thong panties. One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk, and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or general lack thereof) and the location of the raisin bread he has a brilliant idea.
"I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which is located on the very top shelf. The young man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view, just as he had surmised he would be. Once she descends the ladder he muses that he really should get 2 loaves as he is having company for dinner.
As the clerk retrieves the 2nd loaf of bread, one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking quickly, he requests his own loaf of raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up the more...
Mother Teresa died and went to heaven. God greets her at the Pearly Gates."Are you hungry, Mother Teresa?" says God. "I could eat," Mother Teresa replies. So God opens a can of tuna and reaches for a chunk of rye bread and they share it. While eating this humble meal, Mother Teresa looks down into Hell and sees the inhabitants devouring huge steaks, lobsters, pheasants, pastries and wines. Curious, but deeply trusting, she remains quiet. The next day God again invites her to join Him for a meal. Again, it is tuna and rye bread. Once again, Mother Teresa can see the denizens of Hell enjoying caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles and chocolates. Still she says nothing. The following day, mealtime arrives and another can of tuna is opened. She can't contain herself any longer. Meekly, she says: "God, I am grateful to be in heaven with You as a reward for the pious, obedient life I led. But here in heaven all I get to eat is tuna and a piece of rye bread, and in the more...
* If Oracle made toasters… They’d claim their toaster was compatible with all brands and styles of bread, but when you got it home you’d discover the Bagel Engine was still in development, the Croissant Extension was three years away and that, indeed, the whole appliance was just blowing smoke!
* If HP made toasters… They would market the Reverse Toaster, which takes in toast and gives you regular bread!
* If IBM made toasters… They would want one big toaster where people bring bread to be submitted for overnight toasting. IBM would claim a worldwide market for five, maybe six toasters.
* If Xerox made toasters… You could toast one-sided or double-sided. Successive slices would get lighter and lighter. The toaster would jam your bread for you.
* If Circuit City made toasters… The staff would sell you a toaster, but not know anything about it. Or you could buy all the parts to build your own toaster.
* If Thinking Machines made toasters… You more...
A general store hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts...
One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely.
The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which, of course, happens to be located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view.
As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Right away, another guy asks for raisin bread and, then, each guy in turn is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down.
After more than a few trips, the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring down at the men standing below.
She notices an elderly man coming up through the crowd.
"Is yours more...
Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realised that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, "Come on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right here next to me and have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I couldn't," replied the woman, "on account that I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon you came to the right place for that!"