Bread Jokes / Recent Jokes

Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards: Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands. Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness. Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals. All the mile markers are missing this year. Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse. Trail needs to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill. Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests. Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter. Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them. The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals. A small deer came more...

This is a collection of actual student bloopers collected by teachers from 8th grade through college.Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of more...

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer. Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''

Here are some of the answers given in a bible knowledge test
1. The first book of the Bible is Guinness's in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple
2. Noah's wife was Joan of Ark
3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night
4. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles
5. Unleavened bread is bread made with no ingredients
6. Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 Commandments
7. The seventh commandment is, "thou shalt not admit adultery"
8. Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol
9. Solomon had 100 wives and 700 porcupines
10. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption
11. The people who followed Jesus were called the 2 decibels
12. The epistles were the wives of the apostles
13. One of the opossums was St. Matthew
14. Salome danced in 7 veils in front of King Harrod's
15. Paul preached acrimony, which is another name for more...

Whats the difference between a pussy and a piece of bread?
You can eat the crust around a piece of bread.

Here are some responses by younger students from a secular
school when asked to expound on various teachings of the Bible. Their words
are unedited:
"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the
world, so he took the Sabbath off."
"Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree."
"Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."
"Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."
"Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night."
"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with
the unwympathetic Genitals."
"Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like
Delilah."
"Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles."
"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread
which is bread without any more...

‘Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house, Nothing
would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I’d taste, At the holiday parties
had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I’d remember the marvelous meals I’d prepared, The gravies and sauces
and beef nicely rared.
The latte’s and snacks, the bread and the cheese, And the way I’d
never said, “No thank you, please. ”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt, And prepared once
again to do battle with dirt.
I said to myself, as I only can,
You can’t spend a winter disguised as a man! ”
So–away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruit
cake, every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished, ‘Till all the
additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t more...