Break Jokes / Recent Jokes

Henderson bought a new car and, after he left the showroom, decided to catch a movie. When he came out, Henderson noticed he'd locked the car and left the keys in the ignition. He telephoned the dealer. "Which is the cheapest window to break?" he asked. "You don't have to break any of the windows," explained the dealer. "I'll come right down with another key and we can open it together." "No, no!" shouted the new car owner. "I gotta know now! It's about to rain and I wanna put the top up!"

George was a pious man who prided himself in putting all his trust in God. One day a terrible storm hit.& The whole community was told to evacuate because of the danger from the nearby river. The police went from house to houe telling people to leave. George just said, "God will protect me." The storm got worse and worse.& The water began to rise.& & Afraid the dam would break, George climbed up onto his roof. The dam did break.& Soon the waters were rising even higher. A rescue boat finally worked its way out to him, "Hop in, buddy," they shouted over the roar of the water. "God will save me." Authorities were really concerned now.& They sent a helicopter to take him off the roof. Again he refused. The waters finally swept him away. When he came to the gates of heaven he was stunned to find that he had died. "Why didn`t God save me?" "What do you mean?& What more did you want? "He send the police, a boat, and a helicopter!"a

TO ALL EMPLOYEES
Due to increased competition and a keen desire to remain in business, we find it necessary to institute a new policy:
EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY
We are asking that somewhere between starting and quitting time and without infringing too much on the time usually devoted to lunch period, coffee breaks, rest periods, story telling, ticket selling, vacation planning, and the rehashing of yesterdays TV programs, that each employee endeavor to find some time that can be set aside and known as the WORK BREAK.
To some, this may seem a radical innovation, but we honestly believe the idea has great possibilities. It can conceivably be an aid to steady employment and it might also be a means of assuring regular pay checks.
While the adoption of the Work Break Plan is not compulsory, it is hoped that each employee will find enough time to give the plan a fair trial.
The Management

In prison they spend the majority of their time in a 8'x10' cell.
At work, I spend most of my time in a 6'x8' cubicle.
In prison they get three meals a day.
At work I only get a break for one meal and I have to pay for that one.
In prision they can work out, read books, and play vollyball in the yard much of
the day, for free, then relax in their cell.
At work, I don't have any time on my break to go to the library or gym.
In prison they get time off for good behavior.
At work I get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
At work I must wear an ID badge at all times.
In prison they provide you with clothing with the ID conveniently sewn onto the
clothes.
At work there is a dress standard, but I must buy my own clothes.
In prison there is a dress standard, but they supply the clothes.
At work I must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors
myself.
In prison a guard would lock and unlock all the more...

Little Emily, the minister's daughter, ran into the house, crying as though her heart would break."What's wrong, dear?" asked the pastor."My doll! Billy broke it!" she sobbed."How did he break it, Emily?""I hit him over the head with it."

Q: Why do women break wind after they urinate?
A: They can't shake it, so they blow-dry it.

A Scottish cop was asked how he'd break up a crowd.He answered, "I'd take up a collection!"