Breaking Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be off-limits for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "How much for a season pass?"

THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY.... check it out these actual cases. Fire authorities in California found a corpse in a burned-out section of forest while assessing the damage done by a forest fire. The deceased male was dressed in a full wet suit, complete with scubatanks on his back, flippers, and face mask. A postmortem test revealed that the man died not from burns, but from massive internal injuries. Dental records provided a positive identification. Investigators then set about to determine how a fully clothed diver ended up in the middle of a forest fire. It was revealed that on the day of the fire, the man went diving off the coast, some 20 miles from the forest. The fire fighters, seeking to control the fire as quickly as possible, had called in a fleet of helicopters with very large dip buckets. Water was dipped from the ocean and emptied at the site of the forest fire. You guessed it. One minute our diver was making like Flipper in the Pacific, the next, he was doing the more...

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
"How much for a season pass?"

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree?
A: Wave
Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down?
A: Two brunettes.
Q: What's the Blonde's cheer?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B. L. O. N.... ah, oh well.. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea..."
Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK".
Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat?
A: In case she locks the keys in her more...

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.
Portsmouth, R.I. Police charged Gregory Rosa, 25, with a string of vending machine robberies in January when he (1) fled from police inexplicably when they spotted him loitering around a vending machine and (2) later tried to post his $400 bail in coins.
Karen Lee Joachimmi, 20, was arrested in Lake City, Florida for robbery of a Howard Johnson's motel. She was armed with only an electric chain saw, which was not plugged in.
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50 am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he more...

It was the first day of college and the Dean was addressing the students and pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory is out-of-bounds to all male students. Likewise, the male dormitory is out-of-bounds to all female students. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time. Breaking this rule a second time will carry a fine of $75. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $200. Any questions?"
A male student at the back of the crowd inquired, "How much for a season pass?"

Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of LifeGet Your Tongue Outta My Mouth' Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was PureHow Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My LifeI Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go BowlingI Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About YouI'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of LifeI've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your HeartIf Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart LowMy John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My HeartOh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through YouShe Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart