Breathe Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan was having a drink at a bar with an old friend when he noticed a attractive and chesty young lady seated at the bar eating a hamburger.

As he held eye contact with her, she swallowed a bite and it must have gone down the wrong pipe for she began choking.

She was turning blue and obviously in serious respiratory distress.

The Texan said to his friend,' That there gal is having a bad time!'

The other agreed and said,' Think we should go help?'

'You bet,' and with that he ran over and said,' Can you breathe????' She shook her head no. He said,' Can you speak??' She again shook her head no. With that, he pulled up her skirt and licked her on the butt.

So shocked was the young woman that she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.

Smiling to his friend, the Texan said,' Funny how that Hind Lick maneuver always works'

A blonde walks into a hair dresser with a walkman on. She tells the guy to cut whatever he wants just as long as he cuts around the headphones. So the guy says cool until he runs into a problem, he says "Ms.?" "Ms.?" Finally he just takes them off and the blonde drops dead!!
He puts the headphones on and he hears "BREATHE IN.....BREATHE OUT.....BREATHE IN.....BREATHE OUT."

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger.
She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?"
Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?"
Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!!
Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:
Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"
I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.)
"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" My son demanded.
"But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"
I was equally more...

Two Texans were seated at the end of a bar when a gorgeous young lady sits
down at the other end and orders a martini. Stunned by her beauty, the two
guys stare at her for a while, debating whether to approach her, when all
of a sudden, she begins to cough, clutch her throat, and begin to turn blue
(obviously in serious respiratory distress). One said to the other, "That
there gal is having a bad time!"
The other agreed and said, "Think we should go help?" "You bet," said the
first, and with that he ran over and said, "Can you speak?" She shook her
head no. He then asked, "Can you breathe?" She again shook her head no.
With that, he pulled up her skirt, pulled down
the back of her panties and licked her on the butt. She was so shocked,
she coughed up the obstruction and began to breathe, with great relief.
At which point, the first Texan looked at his friend and exclaimed, more...

The secret to enjoying a good wine is:
1 - Open the bottle to allow it to breathe.
2 - When it does not breathe, give it mouth-to-mouth

Two Southerners were having the blue plate special at their favorite
watering hole, when they heard an awful choking sound. They turned
around to see a lady, a few bar stools down, turning blue from wolfing
down a Specialty Burger too fast.
The first Southerner said to the other, "Think we otta hep?"
"Yep," said the second.
The First Southerner got up and walked over to the lady and asked,
"Kin yew breathe?"
She shook her head no.
"Kin yew speak?" he asked.
She again shook her head no.
With that he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and licked
her on the butt. She was so shocked that she coughed up the
obstruction and began to breathe with great relief.
The First Southerner turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how
that there Hind Lick Maneuver works ever' time."