Breathe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two men from Texas were sitting at a bar, when a young lady nearby began to choke on a hamburger.
She gasped and gagged, and one Texan turned to the other and said, "That little gal is havin' a bad time. I'm agonna go over there and help."
He ran over to the young lady, held both sides of her head in his big, Texan hands, and asked, "Kin ya swaller?"
Gasping, she shook her head no. He asked, "Kin ya breathe?"
Still gasping, she again shook her head no.
With that, he yanked up her skirt, pulled down her panties and licked her on the butt. The young woman was so shocked that she coughed up the piece of hamburger and began to breathe on her own.
The Texan sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver always works."

Two men from the country were sitting at a bar
when a young lady nearby began to choke on a
hamburger. As she gasped and gagged, one turned
to the other and said, "That gal is havin' a bad
time. I'm a gonna go over there and help."
The man ran over to the young lady, held both
sides of her head in his big hands and asked,
"Kin ya swaller?"
Gasping, she acknowledged that she couldn't swallow.
Then, the man asked, "Kin ya breathe?" Still gasping,
she motioned that she couldn't breathe. With that,
the man yanked up her skirt and licked her butt. The
young woman was so shocked and humiliated that she
coughed up the piece of hamburger and began breathing
on her own.
The man sat back down with his friend and said, "Ya
know, it's sure amazin' how that hind-lick maneuver
always works!"

Two Texans were having the Blue Plate Special at their favorite truck stop when they heard this awful choking sound. They turned around to see a lady, sitting a few bar stools down from them, turning blue from the Armadillo burger she ate too fast.

The first Texan said to the other, "Think we oughtta help?"
"Yep, reckon so", says the second.

The first Texan gets up, walks over to the lady and asks, "Can you breathe?"
She shakes her head, "no".

"Can you speak?" he then asks.
She shakes her head, "no", again.

With that, he helps her to her feet, lifts up her skirt, and starts to lick her on the butt.

She is so shocked, she coughs up the obstruction and begins to breathe again, with great relief.

The first Texan turns back to his friend and says with a smile, "Funny how that Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"

Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whiskey, theytalk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swaller?" The woman shakes her head no. "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no. The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there' Hind Lick
Maneuver', but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!"

Kind of long, but it will give you a good laugh!!

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush
burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet.

Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer statement on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do."Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having more...

There was a blonde and a redhead in a store
and the blonde had headsets over her ears
and the redhead said...
redhead: Take those off the workers will think u stole them.
blonde: I can not or I will die.
redhead: Very funny now take them off!
blonde: I can not or will die!
So the redhead takes the headset off a the blonde dies. So the redhead puts the headphones on and listen to what it says.
And it says "Breathe in breathe out. Breathe in breathe out."

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome including toilet-flush burials for dead goldfish It's a long story but one that will have you laughing out LOUD!! Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was something wrong with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room. "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me, "I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?" I put my best hamster-healer look on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do. (Call my wife.) "Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!" "Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. "She's having babies." "What?" My son demanded. "But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!" I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can more...