Brief Jokes / Recent Jokes

Some time ago, someone had posted an article saying how the existance of Santa Claus was impossible. I took this article and sent it to a number of friends on campus. Somehow, it got to one of the professors on campus by the name of Ted Davis. He wrote the following reply.

Dear Mr. Crowell:
The analysis you sent me about the death of Santa Claus, based on classical physics, is seriously flawed owing to its neglect of quantum phenomena that become significant in his particular case. As it happens, the terminal velocity of a reindeer in dry December air over the Northern Hemisphere (for example) is known with tremendous precision. The mass of Santa and his sleigh (since the number of children and their gifts is also known precisely, ahead of time, and the reindeer must weigh in minutes before the flight) is also known with tremendous precision. His direction of flight is, as you say, essentially east to west.
All of that, when taken together, means that the momentum more...

"Hi honey, This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She `s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."After a brief pause,
Daddy says,"But honey, you haven `t got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he `s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy `s car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn `t moving at
all!" "Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle more...

Workplace Hazardous materials Information System
Substance: Women
Chemical system: Wow
Manufacturer: God
Typical Size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90 to 200 lbs.
Occurrence: Large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES
1. Surface Tension - Soft and warm
2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
3. Boils at nothing.
4. Freezes without reason.
5. Melts with special reason.
6. Flavour initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.
8. Yields to pressure applied at certain points.
9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES
1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantity of expensive more...

After a few days, the Lord called Adam to him, and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the Earth, so I want you to start by kissing Eve."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what's a' kiss'?"
So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who took Eve by the hand, and took her behind a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged, and said, "Lord, that was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes, Adam, I thought you'd enjoy that, and now I'd like you to caress Eve."
And Adam said, "Lord, what's a' caress'?"
So the Lord again gave Adam a brief instruction, and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss."
And the Lord said, "You've done well, Adam.
And now I want you to make love to Eve."
And Adam said, "Lord, what's' making love'?" So the Lord more...

After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her." Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a' kiss?' " So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush. A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable." And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I'd like you to caress Eve." And Adam said, "What is a' caress?'" So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve. Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "You've done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve." And Adam asked, "What is' make love' Lord?'" So the Lord again gave Adam directions and Adam went again to Eve behind more...

MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET Workplace Hazardous Materials InformationSystem
Substance: Woman Manufacturer: God Typical Size: Average weight 115lbs.; specimens can vary from 90 to over 200 lbs. Occurrence: Largequantities found in urban areas and shopping malls.PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface Tension-soft and warm.2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.3. Boils at nothing.4. Freezes without reason.5. Melts with special reason.6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to commonore.8. Yields to pressure applied to specific points.9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance toreproduce with marked physical and mental changes.CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has affinity for gold, silver, and precious stones.2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.4. Verbal activity greatly more...

Banta singh is appearing for his university final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"oye, i am only following the instructions yaar"
He says, " it says here,' answer the following questions in brief'."