British Jokes / Recent Jokes

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book
on elephants.
The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the
British Empire."
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal
Account."
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the
Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the
Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than
People"
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of
the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and
Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but
wouldn't you more...

Two British faggots were standing on Circular Quay looking out over the harbour. One of them pointed to a ferry and asked, "Elton, what's that?" "That's a ferry-boat, George my love," answered Elton." Oooh!" Squealed George, "I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn't know we had our own navy!"

British Columbia, Canada: Police officers on patrol about 1:00 am spotted 4
men breaking into a vehicle. They gave chase on foot, catching and arresting
two of the men. The other two escaped. A couple of hours later, two men
showed up at the main desk of the police station, asking when their buddies
were going to be released. They were carrying (and wearing) items which had
been stolen from the car.

British Military Officer Fitness Reports
The British Military writes OFR’s (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people’s “206’s”….
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not breed from this Officer.
- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t-be.
- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. - He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
- Technically sound, but socially impossible.
- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something more...

British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.- I would not breed from this Officer.- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction. - He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.- Technically sound, but socially impossible.- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.- This more...

British Military Officer Fitness ReportsThe British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form usedfor Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following areactual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.- I would not breed from this Officer.- This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.- When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.- He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.- He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.- Technically sound, but socially impossible.- This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.- This young lady has delusions of adequacy.- When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.- This Medical more...

British Rail have decided to start sponsoring Forest. BR think they are a suitable team because of their regular points failures.