Broke Jokes / Recent Jokes
A murderer, imprisoned for life, broke free after 15 years and was onthe run. He broke into a house and tied up the young couple he foundin the bedroom; the man to a chair on one side of the room and hiswife to the bed. The helpless husband watched him get on the bed, straddle his wife and start to nuzzle her neck. His wife started tomove her head violently, at which the man got up and left the room. The husband squirmed the chair across the room to his young wife andhissed, "Darling, I saw him kissing you. He probably hasnt seen awoman in years. Please cooperate. If he wants to have sex, just goalong with it and even pretend you like it. Whatever you do dontfight him or make him mad. Our lives may depend on it!""Darling," the wife said, spitting out her gag. "Im so relieved youfeel that way. He wasnt kissing me, he was whispering to me. He toldme he thinks youre really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline inthe bathroom."
I've never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is a temporary situation.
A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.
The General went out to find that none of his G. I. s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G. I. go. Moments later, eight more G. I. s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here." The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G. I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. "Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, more...
There was a young couple who lived in a town filled with crime. After three of their neighbors' houses had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog.
So the young wife went to the pet store and said, "I need a good guard dog." The clerk replied, "Sorry, we're all sold out. All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But, he does knows karate."
The wife didn't believe the clerk, so he said to the dog, "Karate that chair." The dog went up to the chair and broke it into pieces. Then he said to the dog, "Karate that table." The dog went up to the table and broke it in half.
So the wife bought the dog and took it home to her husband who was expecting a big guard dog. The husband was of course disappointed and somewhat skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog.
When she told her husband that the dog knew karate, he said, "Karate my ass!" And to this very day, he is in the hospital.
At a concert hall one night, the stage manager comes across an oboe player and a viola player having a fight.
He breaks the fight up and asks what the fight was about.
The oboe player says, "He broke my reed! I was just about to play my big solo when he broke my reed!"
"Well?" says the stage manager to the viola player. "What do you say to that?"
In umbrage, the viola player replies, "He undid two of my strings but he won`t tell me which ones!"