Broke Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.
2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. A backwards poet writes inverse.
5. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.
6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.
9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.
11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
16. He more...

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.
You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.
When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.
While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.
Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change into a sun in the daytime.
A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.
Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to become oil.
Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they are there.
Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.
I am not sure how clouds more...

Sure signs that you're broke!
1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

6. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.

7. You rob Peter... and then rob Paul.

8. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.

9. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

10. Your bologna has no first name.

11. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.

12. Sally Struthers sends you food.

13. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.

14. At communion you go back for seconds.

I tried to send an e-mail and broke my computer. How do you manage that? I think it was when I tried to push it through the letterbox.

I'm so broke, I go to KFC and lick other peoples fingers.I'm so broke me and my girlfriend got married for the rice.I'm so broke, if a trip around the world cost a nickel, I wouldn't have enough to leave the couch!I'm so broke that I just went into McDonald's and put a small fry on layaway.If pickles were 10 cents a truckload I couldn't buy a wart off a cucumber!I'm so broke, just to rub two nickels together, I'd have to borrow one.We were so broke, that at Christmas, all we could exchange was glances.I'm so broke, the bank asked for their calendar back.I'm so broke, long distance companies don't even call me to switch!If I stopped on a dime, I'd probably owe it to someone.I ain't broke, but I'm severely bent.Someone saw me kicking a can down the street, and when asked what I was doing I said, "Moving."I'm so broke I can't afford to pay attention!A guy walked into our house, stepped on a cigarette and my Mom yelled, "Who turned off the heat?"I'm so broke that when more...

A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream.

The husband who was taking a shower ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it.

About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the leg. He thought the snake had bitten him and he fainted. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out.

About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and more...