Brother Jokes / Recent Jokes

Betsy, a grammar-school teacher from Miami, remembers this Oscar-worthy birth tableau from one of her students.

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and experience a little public speaking. And it gives me a break and some guaranteed entertainment.

Usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very out-going kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a more...

Lost on a rainy Friday night, a priest stumbles into a monastery and requests shelter there. Fortunately, he`s just in time for dinner and was treated to the best fish and chips he`s ever had. After dinner, he goes into the kitchen to thank the chefs. He is met by two brothers, "Hello, I`m Brother Michael, and this is Brother Francis." "I`m very pleased to meet you. I just wanted to thank you for a wonderful dinner. The fish and chips were the best I`ve ever tasted. Out of curiosity, who cooked what?" Brother Charles replied, "Well, I`m the fish friar." Father turns to the other brother and says, "Then you must be...." "Yes, I`m afraid I`m the chip monk..."

Brother: Did you put the cat out? Sister: Why, is it on fire?

Vow of Silence
At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of
silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one
monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother
Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "
I love the delightful mashed
potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!"
Then he sat down.
Silence ensued for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his
turn, and said, "
I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise
them!"
Once again, silence ensued for 365 days. The following Christmas,
Brother Paul rose and said, "
I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

One day there was a boy at school and his teacher told him to get 4 spelling words.
1st he went to his Brother and asked “Could you give me a spelling word? ” His Brother answered “ShutUp” So he wrote down Shutup.
2nd he went to his Mother and asked her. She answered “Certainly” He wrote down certinly.
3rd he wen to his Dad and asked for somthing sweet. His dad answered Lolipop so he wrote down Lolipop.
4th he went to his little brother and asked the question. He answered “In my Little Blue Car”
The next day he went to school and his teacher asked for the words. He said his 1st word Shutup. Then she asked “Do you want to go to the principles office? ” He said is second word “Certainly”. In the principals office the principal asked what do you think you deserve, the boy answered “Lolipop!! ” Then the principal asked “What do you think your punishment should be? ” The boy answered “To go in my Little Blue Car!!!! ”

Because she is her brother.

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have? -Billy

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. -Larry

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church on Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes. -Love Mickey

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. -Nan

Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? -Jane

Dear GOD,
I read the Bible. What does "begat" mean? Nobody will tell me. -Love, Alison

Dear GOD,
Are You really invisible or is it just a trick? -Lucy

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? -Anita

Dear GOD,
Did You mean for the more...