Bucket Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: No? Good!
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary.
The 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' franchise has a new Bucketof Chicken out. It's called the 'Hillary Clinton Bucket.'It contains two small breasts and two large thighs.
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn`t have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails. Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he ran into a couple of old friends and began to yuck it up and he soon forgot about his wife’s party. It was well past 10 when he remembered. "Oh no!!! My wife`s dinner party!!!" He grabbed his bucket, and ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs. The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the door way wondering where he`s been all this time. He looked at more...
It doesn't hurt to take a hard look at yourself from time to time, and this should help get you started.
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
'Well,' said the Director,' we fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand,' said the visitor.' A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup.'
'No.' said the Director,' A normal person would pull the plug.
Do you want a bed near the window?'
Little Johnny helps Grandma
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.
"Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny. "There's a big ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."
Little Johnny's grandmother handed him a bucket and told him to go down to the water hole to fetch some water for dinner. As he was dipping the bucket, he saw two large eyes looking back at him. He immediately dropped the bucket and scurried back to Grandma's.
"Johnny, where's my bucket, and where's the water?" Grandma asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny. "There's a nasty ol' alligator down there!"
"Oh, Johnny, don't you pay no mind to that ol' alligator," Grandma said. "He's been there for years now and he's never hurt no one. Goodness me, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him."
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then I can tell you one thing for sure... that water ain't fit for drinking."