Bucket Jokes / Recent Jokes

A sheep herder made it in to San Antonio, Texas, after 10 years in the bush.
He found a saloon and approached the bar tender. He told the bartender "I need a woman."
The bartender said, "There are women all over San Antone for a price."
The sheep herder replied, "Just any woman won't do. I ain't fucked nothin' but goats 'n sheep for the last ten years. They got cockle burrs 'n mesquite thorns around their pussy and my old dick is tough with calluses on it, and I need a good tough piece of ass."
So the bartender tells him, "Well, you're in luck. The toughest broad in all San Antonio has a room right up stairs." The bartender picks up the phone contacts the lady, explains the situation, and tells the sheep herder to go
on up.
The sheep herder gets a small ice bucket with two Lone Star long necks (the favorite brew in San Atone), and proceeds up the stairs.
When he gets to the room he says, "The barkeep told me you more...

One day dad sent his 5 year old sun to the store for a cocker spaniel, butter and a bucket. So he goes to the pet store and says I need a cockitspanket, a what a cockitspankit, oh you must mean a cocker spaniel, yea yea sure whatever. So he goes to the store and says i need some butt, what, some but.Oh you must mean some butter.Yea yea sure whatever.So he goes to the hardware store and says I need a fucket, a what, a fucket, oh.You must mean a bucket.Yea yea sure whatever.So while hes walking outside his cocker spaniel runs away and the boy runs into this hobo and says hold my but and fucket while I get my cockitspankit.

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.
The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"
Banta replies, "Don't need a license, this is my pet fish."
"Pet fish?" the officer asked.
Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."
"That's a bunch of baloney, fish can't do that."
Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"
Very curious now, the officer says, "O.K. I've got to see this"
Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.
After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"
"Well, What?" Banta says.
The Officer asks, "Are you going to call more...

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what is the criteria that defines a patient to be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "after we fill up a bathtub, we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub" Would you use the spoon, The teacup or The bucket?
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket as it is larger than the spoon or the teacup."
Noooooo," answered the Director, looking at the visitor with new interest.
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"A normal person would pull the drain plug. I recommend you also to be admitted to this place atleast for a short period"

A person walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, "I want coffee".
The waiter says, "Sure sir, coming right up". He gets the person a tall mug of coffee, and the person drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning the same person returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and the bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, "I want coffee". The waiter says "Whoa, Tonto. We're still cleaning up your mess from the last time you were here. What the hell was that all about, anyway?"
The man smiles and proudly says, "Iam in training for upper management. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the shit, and disappear for the rest of the day."

Once there was a guy in a bar. He was drinking one beer after another. Finally, after all of the beer he had to piss. So he asked the Bar tender where the bathroom was. The Bar tender told him to go down the hall make a right, then make another right. About 5 minutes later the bar tender hears, "Ahhh Yeah." So the bar tender goes down to the bathroom and asks the guy what his problem is. The guy said, "Every time I flush the toilet it squeezes my balls!" The bar tender busts through the door and the guy was pissing in a mop bucket.

Indian walks into a bar with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of Buffalo manure in the other. He says to the bartender: “Me want beer. ” The bartender says: “Sure Chief, coming right up. ” He gets the Indian a tall draft beer and the Indian drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket, throws the manure into the air and blasts it with the shotgun, then he walks out. Four days later the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and another bucket of manure in the other. He walks up to the bar and says to the bartender: “Me want beer. ” The bartender says: “Whoa, Tonto, we’re still cleaning up from the last time you were in here. What was that all about, anyway? “The Indian says, “Me in training for job as federal employee; drink beer, shoot the shit, and disappear for a few days. ”