Bucket Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.
"Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny.
"There's a big ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen."Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him."I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny."There's a big ol' alligator down there!""Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!""Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"

Q:What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of manure?

A:The bucket.

Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A: No? Good!

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?
A: The bucket.

Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.

Q: What is the definition of a “crying shame”?
A: There was an empty seat.

Q. Where can you find a good lawyer?
A. In the cemetary.

A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar getting soused. A man comes in and asks the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?" Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened that's so horrible? Farmer: Well, today I was sitting by my cow milking her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her left leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Ok, but that's not so bad. Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So what happened then? Farmer: I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket about full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket. Man: Again? Farmer: Some things you just can't explain. Man: So, what did you do then? Farmer: I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right. Man: and then? Farmer: Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as got the bucket more...

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start!
What do you call a lawyer gone bad?
Senator.
What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
What happens to a lawyer who jumps out of a plane at 35, 000 feet without a parachute?
Who cares?
What happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
He gets taller.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
What should you do if you find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement?
Get more cement.
What type of apparel is the most popular with lawyers?
Law-suits.
What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dirt?
The bucket.

It was a very hot day and a man desperately wanted to take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but what did it matter? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction.
He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket which he found lying on the beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then, one of the ladies began talking with him. "You know, I have a special gift," she said. "I can read minds."
Wanting to dispense with the women, the embarrassed man sharply said, "Well, lady, I seriously doubt you can read mine."
"You're so wrong," the lady replied, "because I know that you *think* the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it."