Bucket Jokes / Recent Jokes

Banta was carrying a large fish in a bucket of water away from a lake, which was well known for its excellent fishing when a Fishery officer stopped him.

The officer says, "Do you have a fishing license?"

Banta replies, "Don`t need a license, this is my pet fish."

"Pet fish?" the officer asked.

Banta answers, "Yes, every night I take my fish down to the lake and let him swim around for a while, then I whistle and he jumps up on shore and I put him in his bucket and we go back home."

"That`s a bunch of baloney, fish can`t do that."

Banta looks at the officer and says, "You want me to show you?"

Very curious now, the officer says, "O. K. I`ve got to see this"

Banta pours the fish into the lake then stands there waiting.

After a few minutes, the officer turns to Banta and says, "Well?"

"Well, more...

Two redneck wives were drinking tea and the one noticed that the other was pregnant.
"We don't have to worry about that!" said one, pointing to her friend's tummy. "For years now we are using the' Bucket and saucer' method of contraception."
"And what may that be?" asked the pregnant one.
"You see, my husband is quite short. So we do it standing up and he stands on a bucket to reach. So I watch him, and when his eyes get big as saucers, I kick the bucket out from under him!"

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with a bucket to gather some snails.
Very grudgingly he agreed. He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach.
As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach.
He kept thinking to himself "Wouldn't it be great if she would just come down and talk to me." He went back to gathering the snails.
All of a sudden he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him.
They got to talking, and she invited him back to her place...
They were at her apartment a ways down the beach, and they started messing around. It got so more...

Mum sends Dave off to the market to buy a few things and Mabel tags along as usual. After investing in a new bucket, a straw broom, a couple of live chickens and a poddy calf, Dave is struggling home, with the calf baulking and the chickens flapping and the bucket clanking - all in different directions.

As they pass through a bit of bush Mabel says, "Aw gee, Dave, I'm scared!"

Dave yanks the calf and recovers a chicken and says, "Yeah! What of, Mabel?"

"Aw gee, you might take advantage of me in this lonely bush!" says Mabel.

"Come off it, Mabel," says Dave, grabbing the bucket. "Look how busy I am with this lot!"

Quick as a flash, Mabel says, "But couldn't you put the chickens down on the ground with the bucket on top of them, and push the broom into the ground and tie the calf to it?"

Stanley got a job painting the yellow stripes on the highway. His first day he dipped his brush into the bucket and managed to paint an entire mile of yellow lines. The second day he painted half a mile. The rthird day a quarter of a mile.

On the fourth day Stanley's boss showed up and asked, "How come each day you seem to paint less and less?"

"Well, sir," explained Stanley, "that's because each day I get farther and farther away from the bucket."

Outside of town was the cemetery and there was a huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucket of nuts and sat down beside the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." said the one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out towards the fence.

Cycling down the road from town was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me. He knew what it was. "Oh, my Gosh!" he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery!"

He cycled down the road and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come quick!" he said, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The old man said, "Shoo you brat! Can't you see I'm more...

The grandson called out "Grandpa, Grandpa, come here, and kick this bucket."

"Why do you want me to come and kick your bucket?" asks his grandfather.

"Well, mom said,' When you kick the bucket, I'll get a new bike!'"