Bucks Jokes

A man goes into the doctor.He says, "Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man's thigh, only to hear, "Gimme 20 bucks. I really need 20 bucks.""I've never seen or heard anything like this before. How long has this been going on?" The doctor asked."That's nothing Doc. Put your ear to my knee."The doctor put his ear to the man's knee and heard it say, "Man, I really need 10 dollars. Just lend me 10 bucks!!""Sir, I really don't know what to tell you. I've never seen anything like this." The doctor was dumbfounded."Wait Doc, that's not all. There's more, just put your ear up to my ankle," the man urged him.The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, "Please, I just need 5 dollars. Lend me 5 bucks, please, if you will.""I have no idea what to tell you. There's nothing about more...

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie's father to ask him for her hand.
Johnny bravely walked up to him and said "Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage."
Thinking that this was the cutest thing, Mr. Smith replied, "Well Johnny, you are only 10. Where will you two live?"
Without even taking a moment to think about it, Johnny replied "In Susie's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely."
Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith said with a huge grin, "Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job. You'll need to support Susie."
Again, Johnny instantly replied, "Our allowance... Susie makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month, and that'll do us just fine."
By more...

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc. but to no avail.
The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the
hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big.
Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well, who should he see more...

Sven & Olaf were fishing one day when Sven pulled out a cigar. Finding he had no matches, he asked Olaf for a light.
'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter', he replied.
Then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands. Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
Vell', replied Olaf,' I got it from my Genie'
'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
'Ya, shure, it's right here in my tackle box, says Olaf.
Could I see him?' asked Sven.
Olaf opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the Genie, Sven says,' Hey dere, I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will', says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there, waiting for his million bucks.
Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million more...

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him a hundred bucks. If you've got a question, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's not there five minutes when a guy pulls up and says, "How much?" She says, "A hundred dollars." He says "Shit. All I've got is thirty." She says, "Hold on."

She runs back to Harry and says, "What can he get for thirty dollars?" Harry says, "A handjob." She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty dollars is a handjob. He says okay, she gets in the car, he unzips his pants, and out pops a simply HUGE penis.

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back." She runs back around the corner and says breathlessly, "Harry, can you loan this guy seventy bucks?