Buddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying, she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled." So that's what Joe did. The next day at the bar, his buddy said, "Well, did you take my suggestion?" "Yes, I did," said Joe." Did she like it?" His buddy asked." Oh yes! she jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!!"

THE TRAGIC COMEDIE OF KING LEER

Scene 1. A forest glen. Enter Witch Tripp and Kenneth of Starr.

Witch Tripp:
Double, double, Webster Hubbell,
I think I got the Creep in trouble.
Eye of Newt, strap of bra,
Could it be he broke some law?
Praise this broth utmost ephemeral,
Heavens! I left out my Essence of Emeril!

Hark! Who trespasses so near?

Kenneth of Starr:' Tis I, the Inquisitor. What news?

Witch Tripp: Things proceed with quickening speed, m'lord. The maiden
Lewinsky, so deeply embroil'd, is now join'd by the Lady Willey in like
pursuit. Daily tightens the noose around the king.

Starr: Would that it were so, but he hath good counsel, and more moves
than a chess board. His public, well pleas'd with good news of the
economie, doth o'erlook much.

Witch Tripp: How may I serve you next?

Starr: I have need of acts damnable and facts verifiable. Else more...

A guy walks into a bar with his dog. They both go up to the barstool and sit down. The owner orders two beers. The bartendar just frowns and says, "Look buddy, we can't have any dogs sitting up at the bar." The owner retorts, "But this is no ordinary dog." The bartendar doesn't budge from his stance and tells the guy to leave. The owner protests, "Look, this is no ordinary dog. This is a talking dog." The bartendar says, "Yeah right buddy. Okay, why don't you and your talking dog leave the bar?" The owner says, "Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll go into the bathroom and take a leak. You can talk to my dog while I go. If you still want us to leave when I get back, we will." So the owner leaves. And the dog and the bartendar start talking it up like they are long lost friends. The bartendar starts to really like this dog. There talking about sports and beer and women. So the bartendar comes up with an idea. He turns to the dog and says, more...

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, “Pull, Nellie, pull! ” Buddy didn’t move. Then the farmer hollered, “Pull, Buster, pull! ” Buddy didn’t respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, “Pull, Coco, pull! ” Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, “Pull, Buddy, pull! ” And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

“Well… Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn’t even try! ”

Twas the night before Christmas, In Texas you know,
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreaming of Christmas, like me and like you.

Not stockings but boots, at the foot of their beds,
For this was Texas, What more need be said?
When all of a sudden from out the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright!

And I saw cross the prairie, like the shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, Come on at a run.
The driver was "whistling" and "shouting" with a will,
The "Horses" (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.

"Come on there Buck, Poncho, and Prince, to the right"
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you-all tonight.
The driver in his Levis, and a shirt that was red,
Had a 10 gallon Stetson on the top of his head.

As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
the more...

Jason walks in to a restroom to pee and as he walks up to the toilet he sees a man standing in front of the urinal that appears to have no arms.
The guy with no arms says to Jason, hey buddy can you help me pee?
Jason thinks to himself this is really weird, but figures that he is a pretty nice guy and is willing to help this guy out.
Then Jason unzips the mans pants and tells the guy to try and shake it out...the guy tries but is unsuccessful.
So Jason pulls the mans penis out of his pants and as he is holding the mans dick he sees all these sores and bumps on the mans penis.
After the man is done peeing, Jason helps him zip up his pants and then ask the guy, hey buddy what was all those marks and sores all over your dick?
Thats when the guy pulls his arms up out of his shirt and says, I dont know, but I sure aint touching it!!!