Buddy Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wifein bed with another man."Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But whatif you came home one night and caught another man in bed withyour wife?" The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his caneand kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."

Q: Why is Bill Clinton happy he named his dog "Buddy?"A: Because it's a BAD TIME to be yelling "come Spot!" in the Whitehouse.

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the backseat.

The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.' 'What's so funny?'' the bartender asked.' 'That stupid Pete!'' the fellow chortled,' 'He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!''

Joe was talking to his buddy at the bar, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."
His buddy said, "I have an idea, why don't you make up a certificate saying, she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."
So that's what Joe did.
The next day at the bar, his buddy said, "Well, did you take my suggestion?"
"Yes, I did," said Joe.
"Did she like it?" His buddy asked.
"Oh yes! she jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead, and ran out the door, yelling, "I'll be back in an hour!!"

Two really old guys decided they would go out and try to play a round of golf together. They get on the first tee and the first old guy says to the second, "My eyesight isn't what it used to be. Can you watch my ball for me?".The second guy says, "Sure! I see fine. Go ahead and hit."So the first old man steps up to the tee and really hits it. He turns to his buddy and says, "Did you see it?"."Sure!", says his buddy."Where did it go?", the first guy asks. The second old man thinks for a minute and says, "I can't remember."

One fine morning, Billy and Buddy Snake were hissing around the front of their pit when their mother came outside. "Why don't you boys slither on over to Mrs. Pot's pit and hiss there for awhile?" she told them. So off they went.
They weren't at Mrs. Pot's pit five minutes before Mrs. Pot came out and scolded the two young snakes. "Oh no you don't," she said angrily. "You boys go back to your own pit and hiss there." So Billy and Buddy slithered back home.
Once back, their mother reappeared. "I thought I told you boys to go to Mrs. Pot's pit and hiss over there?" she said. "We did," said Buddy, "but she told us we had to come back here and hiss in our own pit."
"Well, the nerve of that woman," replied their mother. "Why I can remember when Mrs. Pot didn't even have a pit to hiss in."
with thanks to Frederic

A man walks into a bar and says,' 'Bartender, give me two shots. One for me and one for my best buddy.'' Bartender says,' 'You want them both now or do you want me to wait until your buddy arrives to pour his?'' The guy says,' 'Oh, I want them both now. I've got my best buddy in my pocket here.''

He then pulls a little 3 inch man out of his pocket. The bartender asks,' 'You mean to say, he can drink that much?''' 'Oh, sure. He can drink it all and then some,'' the man retorted.

So, the bartender pours the 2 shots and sure enough, the little guy drinks it all up.' 'That's amazing!'' says the bartender.' 'What else can he do? Can he walk?'' The man flicks a quarter down to the end of the bar and says,' 'Hey, Rodney, go fetch that quarter.'' The little guy runs down to the end of the bar, picks up the quarter and runs back down and gives it to the man.

The bartender is in total shock.' 'That's amazing!'' he says.' 'What else can he do? Does he talk?'' The more...