Build Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hollywood, CA - Road-comedian Billy Spado, 43, raised the standup comedy bar to staggering new heights on Tuesday at Hollywood's own The Comedy Store with brilliantly hilarious cracks about the US-Mexican border, as well as Britney Spears recent performance at the VMA awards show. Spado's unique style of observational humor left the 90-person audience breathless from laughter.

"Bush should build a wall along the Mexican border to keep out illegal immigrants. And you know who's gonna build that wall? The illegal Mexican immigrants, that's who!" Spado exclaimed to a cheering crowd.

Spado's crack about Spears' VMA performance was a stunningly brilliant sight gag that we can't really put into words, but trust us, it absolutely slaughtered the crowd.

Spado will be here all week.

Do you know why Germans build such high-quality products?So they won`t have to go around being nice while they fix them.

These two Austrians were walking through a wide African desert (do not ask me how they got there - I do not know).
After a while one of them says: "Why are we walking through this desert just for this senseless joke. Let us build a bridge!"
The other one agrees and they do so (what else?).
When later arriving at the airport the second one says: "We idiots! Why did we build a bridge in a desert where there is no water just for the sake of this joke."
"Hey, you are right", the other one said, "let us go back and remove it again."
On approaching their monument the first one says: "Oh, just forget it. We cannot remove this bridge."
"Hey, why?", asked the other guy.
"Look up, there are two Swiss standing on our bridge trying to catch a fish!"

The Lord said to Noah, "In six months, I'm going to make it rain until
the earth is covered with water and all the evil is destroyed. I want
you to build an ark and save two of each animal species. Here are the
blueprints for the ark."
Six months passed. The skies began to cloud and rain began to fall.
Noah sat in his front yard, weeping.
"Why haven't you built the ark?" asked the Lord.
"Oh, forgive me," said Noah. "I did my best, but so many things
happened.
"The blueprints you gave me didn't meet the city's code and I had to
change them. Then the city said I was violating the zoning ordinance
by building an ark in my front yard, so I had to get a varience..
"The Forest Service required tree-cutting permits, and I was sued by a
state animal rights group when I tried to gather up the animals.
"The EPA required an environmental impact statement concerning more...

Mick appeared on the Irish version of "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" and towards the end of the programme had already won $500, 000.

"You've done very well so far," said the show's presenter, "but for $1 million you've only got one lifeline left - phone a friend.

Everything is riding on this question...... will you go for it?" "Sure," said Mick. "I'll have a go!" "OK.

The question is: which of the following birds does NOT build it's own nest?
(a) Robin, (b) Sparrow, (c) cuckoo, or (d) thrush."

"I haven't got a clue," said Mick, "so I'll use my last lifeline and phone my friend Paddy back home in Ballygoon." Mick called up his mate, told him the circumstances and repeated the question to him. "Fookin' ell, Mick!" cried Paddy. "Dat's simple...... it's a cuckoo." "Are you sure, Paddy?" asked Mick. "I'm fookin more...

A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What's that building there?" "That's the Royal York Hotel" replied the cabbie. "The Royal York? How long did it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About 12 years" replied the cabbie. "12 years? We build' em twice as high, twice as wide and four times as long down in Texas, and we do that in six months." A while later the cab driver makes his was past the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre. "What's that building over there?" asked the Texan. "That's the Metro-Toronto Convention Centre" replied the cabbie. "Convention Centre? How long'd it take to build that?" asked the Texan. "About three years" replied the cabbie. "Three years? We build' em twice as high, three times as long and four times as wide as that down in Texas, and it only more...

One of my first jobs as a new Army lieutenant in Vietnam was to build a road
across a rice paddy. Progress was slow because the paddy devoured most of the dirt we laid down. My superior officer, a major, appeared one day, determined to speed things
up.
His solution was to scrape the crust off the top of the paddy and with it, construct the road. He quelled my protestations with a stern, “Lieutenant, *I'm* in charge. ”
He ordered a bulldozer into the paddy, but the massive monster sank in the muck. Undaunted, the major ordered another dozer to help the first one out. It, too, was soon
stuck. After a long silence, the major got into his jeep. His departing words were,
“Lieutenant, you're in charge. ”