Built Jokes / Recent Jokes

David Greenland is an expert on Land Resource Planning.
Anthony Pinto is Production Manager of Ford Motor Company. (No! the car was not named after him)
Dr Coffin is the head of the CMA. (Canadian Medical Association)
Peter Nix is a toxicologist at Environment Canada.
Rik Scarce is in jail for non-revelation of his sociology study sources
Otto Matt was a pioneer in digital cartography
Sergei Chilibashwilli - Soviet athlete who fatally bashed his willy on the concrete platform at the Edmonton Student Games.
Andrew Payer is an auditor in the pay office of Health and Welfare Canada
John Trout works for Environmental Communications.
Dr. M. Gawk-roger is my opthalmologist.
Bill Hogg is a hobby farmer and physician.
Nancy Savage is a corporate lawyer.
Byrd Airport in Richmond VA.
Sally Ryde was the first woman to have a ride in the Space shuttle Challenger. Lucky she didn't get the second.
Wendy Parkes is a bureaucrat in Parks more...

Teacher: When Was Rome Built?
Student: At Night! Sir
Teacher: Why?
Student: You Once Said Rome Was Not Built In A Day.

Plan ahead... It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big. Don't listen to critics - do what must be done. Build on high ground. For safety's sake, travel in pairs. Two heads are better than one. Speed isn't always an advantage. The cheetahs were on board... but then so were the turtles. Take care of your animals as if they were the last ones on earth. Don't forget that we're all in the same boat. When things get really deep, don't sit there and complain--shovel! Stay below deck during the storm. The ark was built by amateurs and the Titanic was built by professionals. If you have to start over, have a friend by your side. Remember that the woodpeckers inside are often a bigger threat than the storm outside. Don't miss the boat. Repeat... Do NOT miss the boat... No matter how bleak it looks, there's always a rainbow on the horizon.

The new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They'd spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.

"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

The American frowned. "Russian roulette's not a very nice game."

The diplomat smiled. "That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'II show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in. "You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American.

"That's great," the ambassador said. "That doesn't seem much like Russian roulette."

"Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100, 000. 00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to more...

Three surgeons at a conference were discussing their greatest operations during one of the breaks. First surgeon: "I once had an ambulance crew bring in a man's leg and my team and I built a new body around it and now that he's recovered fully he does the work of five guys." Second surgeon: "That's really good. My greatest test was a few skin fragments sent to us by the local nuclear plant after a major accident. My team and I work for three days and built an entire new person around those few bits and sent him back to work six months later. He's so good that he now runs the entire plant by himself!"Third surgeon: "Not bad, my friend. I was walking along outside the White House when Clinton went jogging by and farted. I captured that fart in a plastic bag and went to the hospital. My team and I built another ass hole around that fart, added a brain and he's so good he's putting this entire country out of work!"

(This joke is from a professor who refered to lawyers as the second
oldest profession:)
There once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three
dogs were in the finals. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged
to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.
For the finals each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could
make.
The doctor said, "Stethascope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.
The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided
to give the other dogs a try.
The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" (So, its an old joke.) The dog built
a suspension bridge.
The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?
The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage
of all the tolls from the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.