Bull Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man has been vacationing in Spain for a week. Due to leave the following day, he realizes that he hasn't tried the food yet.
He enters a restaurant and sit down at a table. Looking around, he notices what the man sitting at the next table has to eat and decides it looks quite tasty.
When the waiter comes to take his order, he tells the waiter he would like the same thing the other man has. The waiter apologizes and tells the man that they don't have any left. The man then asks the waiter what the meal is.
"That is the testicles from the bull that lost the bullfight this morning," the waiter explains. "If you come back tomorrow, I will save the same meal for you."
Prior to leaving Spain the following day, the man returns to the restaurant and the waiter has his meal prepared for him when he arrives. He eats his meal and while he does think it's delicious, he's confused about one thing. He calls the waiter over and says, "That was delicious, more...
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was proudly perched at the top of the tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.Moral of the story: Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining
that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding
ticket.
Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays.
Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas.
Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy
when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!
Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that
say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."
Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called
and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on
his way home.
Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the more...
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bulls testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!" The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, more...
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally they came up with a foolproof plan. They got a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, put on their costume and began to give the moose love call.Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "OK, lets get out and get him."After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do!?"The guy in the front says, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but if I were you, I'd brace myself!"
Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, donned their costume, and began to give the moose love call.
Before long, their call was answered as a bull came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing. When the bull was close enough, the guy in front said, "Okay, let's get out and get him."
After a moment that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouted, "The zipper is stuck! What are we going to do?"
The guy in the front said, "Well, I'm going to start nibbling grass, but you'd better brace yourself."
Who is Jack Schitt you ask? The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says " you don't know jack schitt." Now you can intellectually handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O Schitt, the owner of kneedeep N. Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, and the deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' wishes, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Mr. Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a nervous son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout more...