Bull Jokes / Recent Jokes
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went thr ough your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed more...
Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.
The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls` eyes will straighten out."
The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. The bulls` eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls` eyes are crossed again. The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again.
The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don`t you give it a try."
Banta agrees. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls` ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. He then begins to blow.
"Shit!!!" says the vet. "What in the hell did you do that for?"
Banta replies, "You don`t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on."
When a bull wants to listen to a cassette, what does he put on his head? Steer phones!
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report? In his beef case!
A man climbed over a fence into a field to pick some flowers. He noticed a bull nearby. Say, farmer. Is that bull safe? Well, hes a lot safer than you are right now!
The lineage is finally revealed. Many people are at a loss for response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt." Now you can intellectually handle this situation.
Jack is the only son of Awe and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children; Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt and the twins: Deap and Dip Schitt.
Against her parent's objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, Holie Schitt adopted son, a high school drop out.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried to a man named Ted Sherlock. Since her children were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then know as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken more...
Three bulls were grumbling about the expected arrival of a fourth one. The first bull raged that he had been on the farm for 20 years and had 20 cows and wasn’t going to give up a single cow to the newcomer. The second bull, with 10 cows, insisted he wasn’t giving up any of his, and the third bull, with five cows, wasn’t about to budge, either.
The next day, a truck pulled up and the farmer led out the biggest blackest, meanest bull the others had ever seen. "Well," said the first bull, "I guess 20 cows are a bit of a strain. He can have some of mine."
"Ten are too much for me, too," said the second. The third bull, however, stood kicking up dirt and snorting. The two others looked at him as if hem had gone stark staring mad. "Look, five cows aren’t worth getting beaten up for," said one of the others.
"To hell with the bloody cows," the third snorted. "I just want to make sure he knows I’m a more...