Bus Jokes / Recent Jokes

A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese making.

Explaining that goats milk was used. she showed the group a lively hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produced.

She then asked, "What do you do in America with your older goats?".

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours".

It's this man's 33rd birthday. He gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it. At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?," asks the Post Office worker. "33," says the man. "Well, have a good day," says the worker. "Thank you," replied the man. To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives. The man says to the old lady, "It's my birthday today." "Oh, happy birthday," says the old lady. "I'm..." "No don't tell me," interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is." "Oh yeah? What's that then," asks the man. "If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are," says the old lady. "I don't believe it." "Well let me prove more...

Kenny Rogers and his entourage are aboard their tour bus on their way to a concert in Denver, when they get a flat tire. The mechanic jumps off the bus to fix the flat, but because they're already behind schedule and in a hurry, he neglects to double check that the lug nuts are properly tightened. Shortly thereafter, as the bus goes around a curve on a twisty mountain highway, the entire wheel comes off. The bus veers off the road, and plunges down the side of the mountain. Everybody on board is killed, except for a young "roadie" who happened to be lying in his bunk, and was somewhat shielded from the crash by his mattress. The kid is lying in his hospital bed being interviewed by the press, and one reporter asks him if Kenny Rogers had said any last words?" Yes," said the young man, "he did." As the bus went over the edge I could hear Mr. Rogers singing......"You picked a fine time to leave me, loose wheel"...

A man, his wife, and seven children where waiting in a bus stop. After some time a blind man joins them. The bus arrives. The blind man and the large family find themselves walking because of the crowded bus. The blind man starts tapping his stick on the road, which seems to annoy the husband who shouts at the blind man...
"Can't you put a rubber to the end of your stick to avoid that irritating noise."
To this the blind man replies...
"If you would have put a rubber to the end of your stick we all would have been in the bus."

The Missing Toupee! On a senior citizen bus tour, the driver was surprised. While the passengers were unloading to do some sightseeing, one elderly lady stopped and whispered in his ear, "Driver, I believe that I was sexually harassed!"The driver didn't think much of this complaint, but promised he would check into it soon. Later, that very same day, as the passengers were unloading again, a second little old lady bent down and whispered in his ear, "Sir, I believe I was sexually harassed!"This time, he knew it had to be taken care of soon. A few passengers had remained on the bus, and he decided to go back and question them, to see if they had any knowledge of what was going on. He found one little old man crawling along the bus floor underneath the seats and stooped down to question him." Excuse me, sir, can I help you?" The elderly man looked up and said, "Well, sonny, you sure can. I've lost my toupee and I'm trying to find it. I thought I'd more...

A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a big black lab in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the lab is back again.

He walks over to the lab, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the lab's mouth, there is a 20 dollar bill.

So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places the bag in the lab's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the lab. So, off he goes.

The lab trots off down the street and comes to a crossing. The lab puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. When it does, he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The lab then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher more...

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said: "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen."In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong."The bus driver insulted me," she fumed. The man sympathized and said: "Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers.""You're right," she said. "I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.""That's a good idea," the man said. "Here, let me hold your monkey."