Bushes Jokes / Recent Jokes

There are two statues standing in the woods. They have been there standing on their pedastals for 500 years. A girl statue and a boy statue. Finally one day the Good Fairy came down. You have been here for five centuries, naked just looking at one another. Now, the Good Fairy said to the statues, you have five full seconds to jump down off your pedastals and run out there in the bushes and do whatever it is that you would like to do. The girl statue and the boy statue jumped down, ran into the bushes, came back out brushing the leaves out of their hair and jumped back upon their pedastals. The Good Fairy said, "you used three seconds, you have two more seconds to finish what you were doing." The boy statue looked at the girl statue and said, "this time you hold the pigeon and I'll poop on it's head!"

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven`s getting pretty close to full today, and I`ve been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what`s your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I`ve suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn`t reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn`t you know it, he wouldn`t fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn`t stand more...

Two nude statues (one male and one female) had been standing in the middle of a beautiful park for 99 years. On their 100th anniversary in the park an angel came down from heaven to talk to the statues. He said to them, "God has been watching you for the past 100 years and has been very pleased with the two of you. So pleased in fact that he has decided to grant you a wish of becoming human for a short time." The angel then went on to say that they would be human for fifteen minutes and will finally be able to pleasure themselves in a manner in which they have only fantasized about for the last 100 years. The statues were so excited they could hardly believe it. The second they became human they ran off together behind the bushes. The angel heard the rustling of the bushes and shouts of joy and laughter. After 10 minutes the statues returned from behind the bushes sweating and laughing. The angel told the statues that they still had 5 more minutes. The male statue quickly more...

In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
And with that command, the statues came to life.
The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dived behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the giggling of statues, rustling of bushes and snapping of twigs.
After 15 minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling. Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have 15 minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it more...

As you may already know, THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.

And now, for this year's illustrious winner(s):.. drum roll... John
Pernicky and friend Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the Amphitheater at Gorge Washington. Having no tickets (but 18 beers among them) they sat in the parking lot, and after finishing the beer, decided that it would be easy enough to hop over the nine-foot high fence and sneak into the show.

The two friends pulled their pickup truck over to the fence and the plan was for John--100 pounds heavier than Sal-to hop over, and then assist his friend over the fence. Unfortunately for John, there was a 30 foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His more...

For many years, two statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park. One day an angel appeared and said, "Since the two of you have been such exemplary statues, I a going to grant you your greatest wish. I shall bring you both to life for thirty minutes, during which time you may do whatever you desire." With a clap of the angel's hands, the two statues came to life.
The two statues smiled at each other shyly and then dove behind some tall bushes. The angel grinned and listened as the statues giggled and laughed, bushes rustled and twigs snapped. Fifteen minutes later, the statues emerged from the bushes smiling and looking satisfied.
"You still have fifteen minutes left," the angel said with a wink.
The female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! But this time, YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL shit on its head."

A father and son live on a farm. One day the father says, "Son, things haven't been going very well and I'm afraid we'll have to sell your duck. I'm really sorry, but we need the money. I want you to take the duck to town and bring back the money." So the son takes the duck and sets off down the road. Halfway to town he runs into a hooker. She says, "Hey kid, I could show you a really good time if you're interested." He replies, "I'd sure like to, but all I have to pay with is this duck." "Well," she says, "maybe we can work something out." So they go off into the bushes and the branches are snapping and feathers flying..... When they come out, she is breathless and says, "Wow! That was incredible! Not bad for a kid. Tell you what, if you can do that again, I'll give you back your duck." As you might guess, he's all for that idea. So they return to the bushes and get it on again. When they are done she is still amazed at his more...