Business Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three guys enter a candy store. The first guy approaches the clerk and asks for 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
Since the jellybeans are on the top shelf, the clerk goes into another room, brings out a ladder, gets the jellybeans down, takes out 10 cents worth, puts the jellybeans back on the top shelf, and puts the ladder away.
Then, he goes to the second guy and asks what he wants. He, too, wants 10 cents worth of jellybeans.
So, the clerk goes into the other room, brings out the ladder, gets the jellybeans down and takes out 10 cents worth. Before putting them back up on the top shelf, he turns to the third guy and asks, "Do you want 10 cents worth of jellybeans?"
"No, thank you," he replies.
Hearing that, the clerk puts the jellybeans back up on the top shelf and puts the ladder away.
He returns to the third guy and asks, "So, what would you like?"
"I'd like 5 cents worth of jellybeans!" he replies.
In The United States District Court, Southwestern District, Tempe, Arizona Case No. B19293, Judge Lance Ito, PresidingWile E. Coyote, Plaintiff-vs. - Acme Company, DefendantOpening statement of Mr. Harold Schoff, attorney for Mr. Coyote: My client, Mr. Wile E. Coyote, a resident of Arizona and contiguous states, does hereby bring suit for damages against the Acme Company, manufacturer and retail distributor of assorted merchandise, incorporated in Delaware and doing business in every state, district, and territory. Mr. Coyote seeks compensation for personal injuries, loss of business income, and mental suffering caused as a direct result of the actions and/or gross negligence of said company, under Title 15 of the United States Code, Chapter 47, section 2072, subsection (a), relating to product liability. Mr. Coyote states that on eighty-five separate occasions he has purchased of the Acme Company (hereinafter, "Defendant"), through that company's mail-order department, more...
A young man was heading home to spend the holidays with his parents. When he got to the airline counter, he presented his ticket to Chicago. He then gave the agent his luggage and said, "I'd like you to send my red suitcase to Bermuda and my green suitcase to London."
"I'm sorry, sir, but we can't do that," replied the confused agent.
"Really??" replied the young man. "Well, I'm very relieved to hear you say that... because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"
An inventor goes to the patent office, sees the patent officer and says, "I've got an invention; it's a folding bottle. I call it a fottle, get it? - folding bottle - fottle."
"Very nice, sir," the patent officer says. "Do you have any other inventions?"
"Yes, I do. I also have a folding carton; I call it a farton," replies the inventor.
"I'm sorry, sir," the officer says, "but that is an inappropriate name; it's disgusting."
"Oh," groans the inventor, "then I guess you wouldn't be interested in my folding bucket."
Fifth Law of Procrastination:
Procrastination avoids boredom; one never has the feeling that there is nothing important to do.
If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is.
After 30 years of delivering mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, it was the mailman's final day on the job.
When he arrived at the first house on his route, the family was all there to greet him. They all congratulated him, wished him well and sent him on his way with a gift envelope.
The family at the second house presented him with a selection of terrific fishing lure. At the third house, he was given a box of fine cigars.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. Taking him by the hand, she gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she presented him with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough, they went downstairs to the kitchen where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, bacon, potatoes, sausages, waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of fresh roasted coffee. As she more...