Butt Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bathroom Humor at its finest:
Ghost Poopie -- The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.
Clean Poopie -- The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
Wet Poopie -- The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.
Second Wave Poopie -- This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.
Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie -- The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
Gassy Poopie -- It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.
Drinker Poopie -- The kind of Poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.
Lincoln Log more...

There were some backwoods ignorant hillbilles living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and "whip Clarence butt". He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and "whip Clarence butt?" He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLARENCE 10 FT 3 IN."

So … the other day, my friends and I went to this “Ladies Night Club. ”
One of the girls wanted to impress us, so she pulls out a $10 bill. The “dancer” came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek.
Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it on his other butt cheek. Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my other friend pulls out a $50 bill. She calls the guy back over again, licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt cheeks. Now the attention is focused on me. What could I do to top that?
I got out my wallet, thought for a minute … and then the financial analyst in me took over. I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, grabbed the $80 bucks and went home!

There were two teenagers and they just got thru playing basketball. So they went to the showerhouse. They were in the showerhouse and the first teenager noticed a cork up the other teenagers butt. So when they got out of the showerhouse, the first teenager ask why he had a cork up his butt? The other teenager said, "Well, I was at the beach and a fairy said she could grant me one wish", and in amazement I said - "No CRAP!"

Little Johnny comes home from Catholic school with a black eye. His
father sees
it and says, "Johnny, how many times do I have to tell you not to fight
with the
other boys?"

"But Dad," said Johnny, "It wasn't my fault. We were all in church saying
our
prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in
the
crack of her butt. I reached over and pulled it out. That's when she hit
me!"

"Johnny", the father said, "You don't do those kind of things to women!
Just
leave it alone!"

Sure enough, the very next day Johnny came home with the other eye black
and
blue. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk about this!"

"But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. There we were in church
saying
our prayers. We all stood up and my teacher in front of us had her more...

A man wanted a big, ferocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.
After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage. "He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer. "Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something
better in mind for you."
They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage. "Ah," said the buyer, "This must be the dog you were referring to
earlier." "Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for more...

A man wanted a big, verocious dog to protect his business, so he visited a kennel that specialized in attack dogs. The man explained to the kennel owner that he wanted the biggest, meanest, most vicious dog in the kennel, and the owner offered to take the man on a tour of the premises.After they had been walking for a few minutes, they came upon a large dog. He was snarling loudly and biting and clawing at the cage."He looks like he'd be a pretty good attack dog," said the buyer."Well, he's not bad," replied the owner, "but I have something better in mind for you."They continued walking around the premises, and after a while they found an even larger, meaner dog than the first. He snarled at the two men and tried to bite them through the wire on his cage."Ah," said the buyer, "This must be the dog you were referring to earlier.""Well, no." said the owner. "I have something better in mind for you."The men continued more...