Button Jokes / Recent Jokes

What might've happened: Saddam Hussein and Bill Clinton meet up in Baghdad for the first round of talks in a new peace process. When Bill sits down, he notices three buttons on the side of Saddam's chair. They begin talking. After about five minutes Saddam presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Clinton in the face. Confused, Clinton carries on talking as Saddam laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the shin. Again Saddam laughs, and again Clinton carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Clinton in the privates, he's finally had enough, knowing that he can't do much without them functioning well. "I'm going back home!" he tells the Iraqi. "We'll finish these talks in two weeks!"A fortnight passes and Saddam flies to the more...

Costello: Hey, Abbott! Abbot: Yes, Lou? Costello: I just got my first computer. Abbot: That's great Lou. What did you get? Costello: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2. 1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM. Abbot: That's terrific, Lou. Costello: But I don't know what any of it means!! Abbot: You will in time. Costello: That's exactly why I am here to see you. Abbot: Oh? Costello: I heard that you are a real computer expert. Abbot: Well, I don't know- Costello: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me. Abbot: Really? Costello: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson. Abbot: O. K. Lou. What do want to know? Costello: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off. Abbot: That's true. Costello: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do? Abbot: Well, first you press the Start button, and then- Costello: No, I told you, I want to turn it off. Abbot: I know, you press more...

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. 0, and it's a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0:
1. A "Don't remind me again" button.
2. Minimize button.
3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects).
I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0, but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to more...

Q: Why was the blonde's belly button sore?
A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too.

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0
(marketing name: Fiancee1. 0). Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to
Wife1. 0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and
Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't
ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and
BrotherInLaw.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0...

- A "Don't remind me again" button

- Minimize button

- Shutdown feature

- An installshield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely
uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)

- "Abort" button (O. K. that one's pretty bad - but had to say it)

I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed,
they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to
uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0 but it more...

He was having a fairly uneventful international journey when all of the sudden he had an incredible urge to use the restroom.He got up and crossed over to the men's lavatory when he noticed a long line. The man, being positive that he could not wait any longer walked over to a stewardess."Please ma'am, may I go to the women's restroom? I noticed there was no line there."After much begging the stewardess relunctantly areed. "Okay, sir. But please, DO NOT touch any buttons."He agreed and went to the restroom immediatly to relieve himself. Next to the toilet paper there were three large colored buttons. Being interested, and being male he said... "Why not?"He pressed the blue button. Immediatly a large mechanical arm with a powder poof at the end powdered his face."Hmm... interesting."He pressed the green button. Immediatly another mechanical arm with a brush on the end brushed the man's hair."Man, the guys are getting jipped."He pressed more...

A man died and went to Heaven. After reaching the gates to Heaven the man was talking with Saint Peter and he asked, "I know I was good during my life, and I really appreciate being brought to Heaven, but I'm really curious... What does Hell look like?" So Saint Peter thought about it a moment and finally said, "I'll tell you what, I'll let you see what Hell looks like before you are officially entered into Heaven. Come with me." And so Saint Peter lead the man to an elevator and said, "Take this elevator to the very bottom floor. When the door opens you will see what Hell looks like, but whatever you do, do not get out of the elevator." The man said "Thank you" and then climbed into the elevator and hit the button for the lowest floor. After nearly an hour waiting in the elevator the doors opened and the man peered out. Before him was a lifeless frozen wasteland. All the man could see were huge mountains of ice through blankets of snow. more...