Button Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom. Each time
he tried the restroom, it was occupied. A kind stewardess, aware of
his predicament, suggested that he try the ladies room, but cautioned
him against pushing any of the buttons.
Making the fatal mistake that so many men make in disregarding what
a woman says, the man let curiosity get the best of him. He carefully
pressed the first button marked WW, and Warm Water sprayed him on his
bottom. He thought "The girls really have it made"... still curious, he
pressed the button marked WA, and Warm Air dried his bottom. He
thought "That's out of this world" and pressed the button marked PP. A
large Powder Puff powdered his bottom lightly. Naturally, he couldn't
resist pushing the last button which was marked ATR...
When he awoke in the hospital he panicked. "What happened? Where am
I?" he cried, "The last thing I remember was more...
Redmond, WA -- Microsoft Corporation chair, CEO and all-around babe magnet Bill Gates announced yesterday the introduction of a new product for Windows 95: Microsoft Panhandling." The idea came to me the other day when a homeless man asked me for money," recalls Gates. "I suddenly realized that we were missing a golden opportunity. Here was a chance to make a profit without any initial monetary investment. Naturally, this man then became my competition, so I had my limo driver run over him several times." Microsoft engineers have been working around the clock to complete Gates' vision of panhandling for the 21st century." We feel that our program designers really understand how the poor and needy situation works," says Microsoft Homeless product leader Bernard Liu. "Except for the fact that they're stinking rich." Microsoft Panhandling will be automatically installed with Windows 95. At random intervals, a dialog box pops up, asking the user if more...
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space. The ground control issues commands "Rubi!" "Woof!" (its the barking sound) "Press the red
button." "Woof! Woof!" "Moti!"
"Woof!" "Press the white button." "Woof! Woof!"
"Sardarji!" "Woof." "Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch anything!"
Angus Broon of Glasgow comes to the little lady of the house, exclaiming,
"Maggie, cud ya be sewin on a wee button that's come off of me fly? I can't
button me pants."
"Oh, Angus...I've got me hands in the dishpan, go up the stairs and see if
Mrs. MacDonald could be helpin ya with it."
About 5 minutes later, there's a terrible crash, a bang, a bit of yelling
and the sound of a body falling down the stairs. Walking back in the door
with a blackened eye and a bloody nose comes Angus.
The little lady looks at him and says "My God, what in hell's name happened
to you? Did you ask her like I told you?"
"Aye," says Angus. "I asked her to sew on the wee button an she did.
Everything was goin fine, but when she bent doon to bite off the wee
thread, Mr. MacDonald walked in."
There was a man, let's call him Gregory. Gregory was carrying a small box, and he went to another man's house (we'll call him Jebediah) and knocked on the door. When Jebediah answered, Gregory said "I have a proposition for you. Take this box. There is a button inside. If you press the button before I return, someone that you don't know will die. Tomorrow, I will return. If you have pressed the button, I will give you $20,000."
Gregory left the box with Jebediah. Jebediah had to consider what he was going to do. Eventually he decided that he didn't care about the person, and he pressed the button.
The next day, Gregory returned to take back the box. "Well then, I belive that this is yours," he said, giving $20,000 to Jebediah. "Thank you," Jebediah said. "By the way, I'm just curious: What are you going to do with the box now?"
"I'm going to give it to someone that doesn't know you."
A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a big black lab in his shop and shoos him away. Later, he notices the lab is back again.
He walks over to the lab, and notices the dog has a note in his mouth. The butcher takes the note, and it reads, "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please." The butcher looks, and lo and behold, in the lab's mouth, there is a 20 dollar bill.
So the butcher takes the money, puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, and places the bag in the lab's mouth. The butcher is very impressed, and since it's closing time, he decides to close up shop and follow the lab. So, off he goes.
The lab trots off down the street and comes to a crossing. The lab puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the crossing button. Then he waits, bag in mouth, for the lights to change. When it does, he walks across the road, with the butcher following. The lab then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe at this more...