Button Jokes / Recent Jokes

The beautiful young blonde goes to a soda machine at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas. She arrives just before a businessman. She opens her purse and put in 50 cents, pushes a Diet Pepsi button, and out comes a Diet Pepsi. She puts it on a counter by the machine and reaches back into her purse. She pulls out a dollar and puts it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushes the button for Dr. Pepper and out comes a Dr. Pepper and 50 cents change. She takes the 50 cents change and puts it in the machine, pushes the Lipton Iced Tea button, and out comes a Lipton’s Iced Tea. As she reaches into her purse again, the businessman who has been waiting patiently for several minutes says, “Excuse me, but are you done yet? ” She looks at him and indignantly replies, “Well Duhhh!!! I’m still winning. ”

Moon MissionNASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blonde. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off.Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over.""Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear.""Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?""Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over.""That's right. Over and out."They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage."Hello, Pig 2? Come in please.""Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear.""OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?""Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program.""That's right, Pig 2. Over and out."An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off as planned. more...

A blonde was standing in front of a pop machine. Her boyfriend looks over and hears her screaming at the machine..."You're a dumb-looking button!" "You don't have much of a future, either!" "You're going to be replaced by a much better looking button!" "I've got better looking buttons than you in my dresser drawer!"Thinking she flipped her lid, her boyfriend walks over to see what the fuss is about." What in the heck are you doing?" her boyfriend asks. The blonde quickly points to the sign on the front of the machine that reads... "DEPRESS BUTTON FOR ICE".

"Waiter, there's a button in my soup."
"Oh, thank-you, sir. I've been looking for that everywhere."

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are Co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are Paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are Delusional, press 7, your call will be transfered to the Mothership.

If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are Manic Depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are Dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a Nervous Disorder, please fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have Amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and more...

Hampden was a boy of 9, BUT a vey corrupted 1 at that. Though he hated to goto school, lately he attended all his classes due to his sexy class teacher. One day the class teacher told ever one that the class was going on a trip on saturday. Naturally, Hampden was exited.
Then, on the day of the trip, while on their way, the vehicle broke down and the group had to spend the night away from home. Hampden, realising his chance, started crying in the middle of the night. The teacher inquired why, and Hampden answered promptly saying "i sleep with my mom at night". so the teacher asked him to come and sleep next to her. Then, a little later, Hampden started crying again and the teacher inquired why and Hampden replied "when i sleep at home, i put my finger inside my mom's belly button(BURIYA)". So the teacher told hampden that he could put his finger in her belly button.
A little while later the teacher shakes hampden and says "Hampden, that's not my more...

10. Your opening line is: "So, what's your URL?"9. You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 1.1" on one of the clouds.8. You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a webpage with no links.7. You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.6. You've never met your best friend5. You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you and the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.4. You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.3. Your dog has his own webpage.2. So does your hamster.1. When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.