CIA Jokes / Recent Jokes

...the CIA, no longer able to waterboard suspects, has announced a new enhanced interrogation technique....after sleep deprivation & loud music have failed, the CIA plans to have Sacha Baron Cohen shove his ass in your face until you talk.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the
background checks, interviews, and testing were done there
were three finalists; two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my
wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this
job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the
gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes."I
tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same
instructions to more...

Sri lankan president, American, iranian and Egyptian discussed about the best in their countries.
American president said, we have the best intelligent service in the world that is CIA.
Iranian president said we produce the best carpet in the world.
Egyptian president said we have the most beautiful girls in the world.
At last the lankan president said, i have the highly skilled men in my defence who can f**k egyptian girls on an iranian carpet without the knowledge of CIA.
May God bless those heros.