Cable Jokes / Recent Jokes

TACOMA, WA

Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4: 30 am.

Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby. One end of the cable was secured round Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.

His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other explanation for it."

Bingham's foot was never more...

Now look at them Yo-Yo's, that's the way you do it
You make a web page on the W-3
That ain't workin' that's the way ya do it
Money for nothin' and pix for free
Now that ain't workin' that's the way ya do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain't dumb
Maybe get a blister on your little finger
Maybe get a blister on your thumb
We gotta install satellite dishes
Home Theatre Deliveries
We gotta move these cable converters
We gotta move these color TV's
See the web designer with the fancy computer
Yea, bud, he's got a ponytail
That web designer's got his own BMW
That web designer don't get dirt under his nails
I shoulda learned to work a computer
I should learned Photoshop
Look at that grrrl, she's a web page maker
Man, where's it gonna stop?
And here's one... what's that? MIDI music?
Blasting out the speakers like a wild banshee
Man, that ain't workin' that's the way ya do it
Get your more...

I found the following report, from a ship's master, printed in the August
1987 edition of The Log journal - its exact history is unclear but I
think you might find it amusing.
Reproduced with permission.
It is with regret and haste that I write this letter to you, regret that
such a small misunderstanding could lead to the following circumstances,
and haste in order that you will get this report before you form your own
pre-conceived opinions from reports in the world press, for I am sure that
they will tend to overdramatise the affair.
We had just picked up the pilot and the apprentice had returned from
changing the 'G' flag for the 'H' and, it being his first trip, was having
difficulty rolling the 'G' flag up, I therefore proceeded to show him how.
Coming to the last part, I told him to "let go," the lad although willing is
not too bright, necessitating my having to repeat the order in a sharper
tone.
At this more...

Sometime in the future:
"Hello. This is Bell Atlantic-Nynex-MCI-TCI-America Online customer
service. May I help you?"
"Yes, I'd like to report a problem with my telephone."
"Our records show you don't have local phone service through us."
"How'd you know who I am? I didn't give you my name."
"We have ways."
"Well, I'm pretty sure you have my phone service."
"Our records show you have long-distance, cellular, satellite TV,
Internet access and your MasterCard through us. Your phone
service must be through one of the other three big communications
companies. Have you looked at your bill?"
"My bill is 134 pages long."
"Oh, you're one of our light users. But we'd be happy to become your local phone provider. If you sign up, you get one-third off long-distance calls made on your cellular phone to friends and family members who have an Internet home more...

HAPPINESS IS...
Infantry: A good rifle
Cavalry: A big tank
Artillery: A loud boom
UPON HEARING FIREWORKS
Infantry: Cool, just like a live fire exercise
Cavalry: Not loud enough
Artillery: Fireworks? What fireworks?
OTHER TRADES
Infantry: Waste of rations
Cavalry: Waste of rations
Artillery: Waste of rations
IDEA OF FUN
Infantry: Not having to "pepper-pot" an entire grid square before the objective
Cavalry: Racing across a grid square on "full stab"
Artillery: Leveling a grid square
FAVOURITE SONG
Infantry: "Ballad of the Green Beret"
Cavalry: "Purple Haze"
Artillery: Anything, just play it LOUD!
BIGGEST LUXURY IN THE FIELD
Infantry: Engineers blowing trenches for them with C4
Cavalry: Grunts to dig their trenches for them
Artillery: Cable
A LONG ROUTE MARCH WITH FULL KIT
Infantry: 20 clicks
Cavalry: From the hangars to the tank
Artillery: more...

Beverly Hillbillies
Miss Jane tries to convince Mr. Drysdale to network all the PCs in
the bank, but, typically, he won't spend the money. Frustrated,
Miss Jane pleads with Jed Clampett to persuade Mr. Drysdale to
"put in the LAN," but Jed thinks she said "put in the ham." Jed
then gets Granny to cook up a dozen hams and has Jethro and Ellie
Mae bring them to the bank. When they arrive, everybody is out to
lunch, so Jethro begins to distribute the hams, but is frustrated
when he can't get the coaxial cable to stay attached to the ham
bone. To further complicate matters, Ellie May has brought along
her pet goats, which begin to eat the ham and cable, causing the
the VAX to short out and force an emergency electronic fund
transfer of the Clampett millions to a competitive bank. As Mr.
Drysdale is seen chasing Miss Jane down the hall with a crazed look
in his eye, swinging a ham at her, Jed is heard to remark, more...