Power Jokes

It is recounted that at King's College in the Strand around the time of the war, the Chief of Services would inevitably begin the year's rounds by teaching "a singularly important principle of medicine."
He asked a nurse to fetch him a sample of urine. He then talked at length about diabetes mellitus. "Diabetes," he said, "is a greek name; but the Romans noticed that the bees like the urine of diabetics, so they added the word mellitus which means sweet as honey. Well, as you know, you may find sugar in the urine of a diabetic..."
By now, the nurse had returned with a sample of urine which the registrar promptly held up like a trophy. We stared at that straw colored fluid as if we had never seen such a thing before. The registrar then startled us. He dipped a finger boldly into the urine, then licked his finger with the tip of his tongue. As if tasting wine, he opened and closed his lips rapidly. Could he perhaps detect a faint taste of sugar? The more...

A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New York to California. Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up. About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.

"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the attendant.

"Fill `er up with high test," replies the driver.

While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down. "What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."

"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my boy is a 1998 Cadillac DeVille."

"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.

"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player in the trunk with 100 more...

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the thestranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heardthat flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with yourfellow passenger."Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and saidto the stranger "What would you like to discuss?""Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?""OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But letme ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eatgrass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cowturns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Whydo you suppose that is?""Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea.""Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified todiscuss nuclear power when you don't know sh*t?"

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better computer programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they agree to hold a contest with God as the judge.
They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously for several hours, lines of code streaming up the screen.
Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show what he has come up with. Satan is visibly upset, and cries, "I have nothing! I lost it all when the power went out."
"Very well, then," says God, "let us see if Jesus fared any better."
Jesus enters a command, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished.
He stutters, "But how?! I lost everything yet Jesus' program is intact! How did he do it?"
God more...

"It`s good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it`s appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people`s lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national - really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it."-George W. Bush, Feb. 8, 2001 "We`re concerned about AIDS inside our White House - make no mistake about it." -George W. Bush, Feb. 7, 2001 "There`s no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I`ll never see it." -George W. Bush, speaking to Catholic leaders at the White House, Jan. 31, 2001 "I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state." -George W. Bush, speaking to reporters, Washington, D. C., Jan. 29, 2001 "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, more...