Call Jokes / Recent Jokes

I couldn't work out whether to laugh or be offended by some of these!

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING ENGLISH
1.Two World Wars and One World Cup, doo-dah doo-dah.
2.Proper beer
3.You get to confuse everyone with the rules of cricket.
4.You get to accept defeat graciously in major sporting events
5.Union jack underpants.
6.Water shortages guaranteed every single summer
7.You can live in the past and imagine you are still a world power.
8.Bathing once a week-whether you need to or not.
9.Ditto changing underwear
10.Beats being Welsh.
10a. Or Scottish

TOP 10 REASONS FOR BEING FRENCH
1.When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay.
2.Experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time.
3.You get to eat insect food like snails and frog's legs.
4.If there's a war you can surrender really early.
5.You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS
6.You can more...

Q: What do little ghosts drink?
A: Evaporated milk.
Q: Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
A: Because people are dying to get in.
Q: When do ghosts usually appear?
A: Just before someone screams.
Q: What should you say when you meet a ghost?
A: ''How do you boo, sir? How do you boo?''
Q: What's a ghost's favorite breakfast?
A: Ghost toasties with booberries.
Q: What's soft, moldy and flies?
A: A spoiled bat.
Q: What did the policeman say when a black widow spider ran down his back?
A: ''You're under a vest!''
Q: What happened to the monster that took the five o'clock train home?
A: He had to give it back.
Q: Why did the monster salute his vegetable soup?
A: He looked in his bowl and saw a kernel of corn.
Q: What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A: A dead ringer.
Q: What did Dracula say then he saw a giraffe for the first time?
A: I'd like to get to gnaw you.
Q: Which more...

How do you get holy water?
Boil the hell out of it.
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
"Dam!"
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Cell phones
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick
What do you call cheese that isn't yours?
Nacho cheese
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Spoiled milk
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite
What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A pool table.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
They're trying to get away from the noise.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
What is a polygon?
A dead parrot.
How do you stop an elephant from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What's the difference between boogers and spinach?
You can't get kids to eat spinach.
What did the horse say when he more...

The blonde made a call to 911 to report her car had been vandalized. Hysterically, she explained to the dispatcher that they had stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel and even the brake and gas pedals. The 911 dispatcher told her to stay calm and they would have an officer there within minutes.
Before the police had a chance to arrive the 911 dispatcher received a second call from the blonde.
Giggling, she told him, "Never mind, I was in the back seat!"

This week's joke, sent by a MegaLaw visitor, seemed appropriate given the feelings vented by so many at either the recent decision of the Florida Supreme Court or the recent decision of the U. S. Supreme Court. It is a classic among disgruntled attorneys...


What do you call an attorney with an IQ of 47?

"Your Honor."

1. What do you call a cupboard full of lesbians? A licker cabinet.2. What do you call an Eskimo lesbian? A Klondyke.3. What do you call 100 lesbians with guns? Militia Etheridge.4. Why can't lesbians diet and wear make-up at the same time? Because they can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on their face.5. Why do lesbians like to be reincarnated as whales? So they can have 10 foot tongues and breathe out of the tops of their heads.6. What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders.7. What is a lesbian dinosaur called? A Lickalotapuss.8. What do you call a lesbian with long fingers? Well Hung.9. What do two lesbians do when they are having their periods? Fingerpaint.10. What do lesbians call an open can of tuna? POTPOURRI.11. What did the lesbian vampire say to her partner? See you next month.12. Did you hear that Ellen Degeneres drowned? She was found face down in Ricki Lake.13. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table doesn't have balls.14. Do you know what drag more...

What do you call a pretend railway? A play station!