Caller Jokes / Recent Jokes

From The Gloucester Citizen: A sex line caller complained to Trading Standards. After dialing an 0891 number from an advertisement entitled "Hear Me Moan" the caller was played a tape of a woman nagging her husband for failing to do jobs around the house. Consumer watchdogs in Dorset refused to look into the complaint, saying, "He got what he deserved."

From The Guardian: After being charged 20 pounds for a 10 pounds overdraft, 30-year-old Michael Howard of Leeds changed his name by deed poll to "Yorkshire Bank Plc are Fascist Bastards". The Bank has now asked him to close his account, and Mr. Bastards has asked them to repay the 69p balance by cheque, made out in his new name.

Phreakers, or' phone hackers, managed to break into the telephone system of' Weight Watchers' in Glasgow, and changed the outgoing message to' Hello, you fat bastard'.

From the Churchdown Parish Magazine: Would the Congregation please note that the more...

There Was A Company Named Mr. Cohan, Mr. Cohan, Mr. Cohan And Mr. Cohan Ltd. One Day A Phone Call Came At The Office.
"I Want To Speak To Mr. Cohan, Its Urgent".
So, Mr. Cohan Says'Sorry He's Not Here".
Caller:"Well Then Call Mr. Cohan, Its An Emergency".
Mr. Cohan:"Sorry He Too Is Not Here".
Caller:"Well Then Atleast Call Mr. Cohan".
Mr. Cohan:"I'm Sorry He Too Is Not Available"
Caller:(Desperately)"Oh God! Please Call Mr. Cohan Atleast, Its A Matter Of Life And Death".
Mr. Cohan:"Mr. Cohan Speaking"!!!

Just in case you think you are TC (technologically challenged). The following is an excerpt taken from a Wall Street Journal article: 1.Compaq is considering changing thecommand "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood ofcalls asking where the "Any" key is. 2.AST technical support had a callercomplaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turnedout to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3.Another Compaq technician receiveda call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from hisold diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer had labeled the diskettes, then rolled them into thetypewriter to type the labels. 4.Another AST customer was asked tosend a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from thecustomer along with photocopies of the floppies. 5.A Dell technician more...

The following are real conversations Directory Enquiries operators had with callers, as revealed in interviews with staff at the Cardiff DE Centre. Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling correct? Caller: Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but the B fell off.* * *Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: Woven? Are you sure? Caller: Yes. That's what it says on the label - Woven in Scotland.* * *Caller: I'd like the RSPCA please. Operator: Where are you calling from? Caller: The living room* * *Caller: The water board please. Operator: Which department? Caller: Tap water.* * *Operator: How are you spelling that? Caller: With letters.* * *Caller: I'd like the number for a reverend in Cardiff, please. Operator: Do you have his name? Caller: No, but he has a dog named Ben.* * *Caller: The Union of Shopkeepers and Alligators please. Operator: You mean more...

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is. 2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in. 3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into his typewriter to type the labels. 4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes. 5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put more...

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my
warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I
am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade
show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any
trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has "4X" on it."
At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't
stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive
as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

COMPUTER BLUES

1. Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.
3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes. After troubleshooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.
4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.
5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close more...